


The Human Experience

by FKAErinElric



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Castiel (Supernatural) Learns to be Human, Castiel Has Feelings for Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Castiel likes Dean touching him, Castiel likes food, Dean Winchester Teaches Castiel to be Human, Domestic Dean Winchester, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Human Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), M/M, Original Angel Characters - Freeform, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-01-14 16:38:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18480166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FKAErinElric/pseuds/FKAErinElric
Summary: Now human Castiel is almost overwhelmed by new experiences and his sudden feelings for Dean.Dean decides to take it upon himself to show Castiel how great being a human can be





	1. Sensation

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in season 9. But none of that Gadreel business or Castiel getting done in by April. 
> 
> And yeah like I need another WIP story lol

 

            Castiel let out a sigh of relief as he hung up the pay phone. He had tried to get into contact with Dean and finally succeeded in it. He had been staying at a homeless shelter for the last few days. He was still tired and hungry, and well tired. This had, in all honesty, had been a trying experience. He felt bad for his fellow angels (though he wasn’t one of them anymore) he had least had a general idea of how humans lived. But that still didn’t make it easier. Not having money was one of the biggest problems so far. At least now he was near the bunker and the Winchesters were coming to get him.

            He sat down on a nearby bench and sighed again. His clothes were dirty and torn, he was pretty sure he stunk too. He ran his hand over his face and felt the slight beard that was growing in now. He never had to worry about shaving as an angel. He usually just used his grace to keep the facial hair from growing. The only time he didn’t worry about it was in they were in Purgatory and he needed to conserve his strength for fighting. He let his eyes drift shut he was so tired. He understood the basic concept of sleep but it was hard to do. He felt the world drift away.

            He was awoken later but the familiar sound of the Impala. He sat up quickly he was surprised he fell asleep on a bench and even more surprised the authorities didn’t bother him. He rubbed his eyes as the black car stopped in front of him. He was up on his feet so fast he barely register he stood. His legs felt tingly and he stumbled but was caught by Sam.

            “Whoa, Cas, easy there.” Sam said

            Castiel looked up at him. It had been since the trials that he had last since him. He smiled at him. “Hello, Sam,” He heard the other door open.

            “You okay?” Sam asked as he looked over him.

            “My feet feel strange, they are like tingling and I can’t tell if I am standing on them.”

            Sam chuckled. “Your feet are asleep.”

            He looked at his feet. “How? I appear to be awake. How did they not wake up?”

            Dean walked around the car up to him. “Dude, you look like crap.”

            “Dean,” Sam hissed. He let go of Cas, “You good?”

            Castiel nodded and steadied himself. “My feet have stopped tingling.”

            Dean smirked. “Don’t tell me that never happened to you before?”

            He shook his head. “Most things that happen to humans have never happened to me before.”

            “You were almost human back when we were stopping the Apocalypse.” Sam said

            “Yes, but this is different. That time I was just weakened this time I’m… my grace has been taken from me.” Castiel felt the heaviness of those words leave his lips. Before during the Apocalypse, he was human enough but he had retained some of his angelic strength now he had none. He was fully and completely cut off from the Host. No way for him to return it was over now. His hands trembled and he felt a wetness in his eyes.

            “Hey, Cas, are you okay?” Dean asked

            Castiel felt a hand touch him and he looked at it. He stared at the hand. He had touched before but this felt different like he had never been touched before. It was delicate and loving and Castiel wanted more. He looked up at the face of who was touching him. Dean smiled at him and Castiel felt his heart pound harder. What is this?

            “You…” He licked his lips. “Dude, you looked like you were about to cry.”

            He blinked and he felt wetness roll down his face.

            “Cas,” Sam said softly. He laid his hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “It’s okay, we’re here now.” Sam’s voice was soft and gentle like he was speaking to a child.

            Castiel felt his lip tremble. He didn’t know what was happening to him. The tears started to flow and he couldn’t stop them. He felt shame he was crying in front of them. He wanted to be strong for them; he wanted them to see he was reliable. Dean was probably still angry at him and here he was sobbing. He was so weak. He felt something wrap around him, it felt like strong and warm arms. He assumed it was Sam hugging him but it wasn’t tall enough. He focused and realized Dean was hugging him and Sam looked at him in shock.

            “Shhh, Cas, it’s okay we’ll fix this. We’ll get through this like we always do.” Dean said softly. He stroked his back and Castiel leaned into the hug. It was warm and soft, Dean smelled good and he was warm.

            Castiel nuzzled his face against Dean’s scratching his beard against his stubble. It felt weird but he enjoyed the sensation. As quickly as it began, it was over.

            Dean pulled away and looked up at him. “You good?”

            Castiel blinked. He missed the warmth, the feel of Dean against his body. He wanted to feel it again. “I think so.” He said. He really didn’t but he doubted he could get another second hug like that from Dean.

            “Let’s go home, okay? You get yourself a nice warm shower and I’ll get us some pizza or something.” Dean gestured to the car.

            They got into the car. Castiel stared at Dean on the way to the bunker. He felt uneasy again. Worry ate at him. He was useless as a human to them all he was going to be was a burden. A baby in a trench coat and he didn’t even have the coat anymore. They got to the bunker and they walked in.

            “All right, I’m going to go get some pizza and beer. Sam, show him the shower room and uh, give him some of my clothes I think he’d swim and yours…” Dean looked at Castiel and frowned. “Tomorrow, we’ll go up to the store and get you your own stuff.” And with that, Dean left them alone.

            Castiel looked at Sam who smiled.

            “Okay, Cas, follow me.” Sam said. They walked down the hall to Dean’s room and Sam let himself in.

            Castiel stood by the door and looked in he felt like he was invading Dean’s privacy by going in there. He still felt warm from that hug and his body still wanted more. He was unsure of what was going on. He had hugged people before it had never affected him like this.

            Sam handed him a pile of clothes. “I think these will fit. Dean doesn’t wear them much and I found a package of unused boxers and tossed a pair in there. Figured you didn’t want to share Dean’s underwear.”

            Castiel took the clothes. “I am already sharing his clothes so what’s the difference?”

            Sam opened his mouth, shut it then shook his head. “Don’t uh, worry about it, Cas.” They walked back in the hall and he pointed at a door across from Dean. “We’ll make that room yours so you’re closer to Dean.”

            Castiel looked at the door then back at him. “Okay, but I don’t need a room near Dean. Any room would be fine.”

            “Don’t want to room next to Dean? I figured you would since you guys have that bond and uh, you know…”

            He blinked and tilted his head. “I know what? I do not understand what you are getting at Sam?” He asked as they started heading to the shower area.

            “Because you uh, because you like Dean, Cas.” Sam said straightforwardly as they reached the shower area.

            He frowned. “I do not understand. I like both of you.”

            Sam rubbed the back of his head. “Cas, look, there are several ways to like someone. You like them as a friend or like family and the other is you…” He blushed. “You know are uh, attracted to them.”

            He tilted his head. “Are you implying that I am attracted to your brother?”

            “Is that not what’s going on? I mean, I don’t mean to imply anything that will upset you but it seems to me that you are.”

            He chewed on his lip and looked down at the clothes in his arms. Dean’s clothes that for some reason made him feel excited at the thought at putting them on. “I did not mean to act in any sort of way.” He felt his face blush. He didn’t understand what he was feeling. His heart pounded, his hands sweated what did it mean?

            “Sorry, I mean for the last bit well since you guys came back from Purgatory it just seemed to be some mutual attraction thing going on.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I really didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries.”

            He looked at the clothes in his hands. Maybe Sam was right. Maybe he was attracted to Dean? He the warmth of that hug had long faded and his body craved more. Maybe it was attraction that was driving him.

            Sam opened the door to the large shower area, “It’s got several showers but we usually go one at a time for… you know privacy.”

            “Thank you, Sam.” He laid the clothes on a bench inside the room. He looked back at Sam and rubbed his arm. “I am glad you guys came to get me.” He said softly.

            He patted his arm. “We’re family remember.” He pulled him in for a hug. The hug with Sam was different. He was much larger than his vessel. The hug was pleasant and it ended quickly. “Alright, I’ll be in the library. We usually eat there so when you get done met me there.”

            He nodded and walked into the shower room. Castiel had concluded that hugging Sam did feel different than Dean. It was a pleasant hug but it didn’t fill the void he felt like hugging Dean did. He turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature. He got in and grabbed a washcloth and body wash. He gave it a sniff and realized it was Dean’s. He felt the warm feeling spread throughout his body. Oh, he could smell like Dean. He shook his head. “That’s a little creepy.” He said to himself as he put a glob of it on the washcloth. It soaped up good as he cleaned his body. His face, arms, neck, chest, he worked his way down and cleaned everything. His mind sunk into the smell and his brain filled with the image of Dean being in the shower with him. He felt his penis twitch and he frowned at it. Not what he was expecting.

            He rinsed off the soap and got out of the shower. He toweled off, found deodorant (something else he never had to worry about as an angel) and put it on. He looked at himself in the mirror and rubbed the beard. He felt weird using one of their razors to shave so he left it alone. He put on Dean’s clothes and with the body wash he felt like he had Dean wrapped around him. He liked it.

            Castiel left the shower room and headed into the library. He could smell the pizza as he walked in. His stomach growled and he patted it. It was a while ago since he ate. He walked in and there was Dean standing there with a bunch of pizza boxes.

            “Glad you got clean.” He looked at him and smirked. “I didn’t know what type of pizza you would want so I got a few of them.” He pointed at them and listed them off. “Pepperoni, meat lovers, and cheese, no pineapple that’s just nasty.” He flashed him another smile and Castiel forgot how to breathe. Dean was so enchanting he could stop staring at him. His green eyes, sandy blond hair and that smile. “Cas?” that voice to it was sexy.

            Castiel licked his lips. It was like he had seen Dean for the first time. Dean was the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on. The only person that mattered right now was Dean. His mind was telling him to grab Dean, kiss him senseless, and push him up against the wall and find out what was under that flannel. Castiel former angel of the Lord was attracted to Dean Winchester.

            “Castiel,” Sam said he waved his hand over his face. “Earth to Castiel, you there?”

            He blinked the spell put on by Dean was over. “Yeah, ugh, I… I’m fine.” He saw Dean was handing him a plate with one of each type of pizza on it.

            “Let’s eat, buddy.”

            Castiel took the plate and sat down with them, the word buddy burned in his mind. What if Dean didn’t return his feelings? There was a pain in his heart. He was stupid. He knew his feelings met nothing to Dean. Dean was into women and he was in a male body. What chance did he have? He cleared his mind and picked up the pizza and took a bite of it. The flavor exploded in his mouth. A moan escaped without his permission and he noticed the look Dean gave him when he did.

            Dean’s eyes were wide as he stared at him and Sam laughed and asked. “I take it you like pizza, Cas.”

            Castiel nodded. “Good.” He spoke with food in his mouth.

            “Don’t talk with your mouth full.” Sam said

            “Yeah, and cut back on the sex noises.” Dean said and he chewed on his own food.

            Castiel looked at him and tilted his head. “Sex noises?”

            “The uh, moan.” Dean said with a blush

            Castiel smiled at the pizza in his hand. “I like this it makes me happy.”

            “I’d say so. You and that pizza need to get a room.” Dean laughed. He pushed Castiel a beer then looked at the ex-angel.

            Castiel eyed Dean. Dean had such a pretty face and lovely green eyes. He ate on the pizza and Dean seemed to be staring at him eat. Castiel wondered if that was because he never really seen him eat before. He raised an eyebrow and about that time Sam coughed. He noticed Dean shoot Sam a look and he went back to eating. Castiel sipped the beer. It felt so different actually being able to taste it. Frankly, he wasn’t sure if he liked the taste.

            “You know,” Dean started

            Castiel sat the beer down and looked at him. He noticed the elder Winchester was blushing now. “Yes?”

            He cleared this throat. “Since you are, you know, human now there’s a lot of stuff you can experience now that you couldn’t before…” He played with the beer bottle in front of me. “I was… I would like to help you experience those things, Cas. Let you see why being human is, well, freaking amazing sometimes.”

            He tilted his head and looked at him. Dean didn’t look up at him and Sam spoke up.

            “Yeah, I mean, I know somethings about being a human sucks but there are some pretty cool things about it.”

            “Plus if you’re losing your mind over pizza my cooking is going to make you cream your shorts.” Dean said with a grin

            “Dean,” Sam scolded

            “I would like to experience more human things.” Castiel confessed as he finished off the rest of his pizza. He smiled. “I like the pepperoni one the best.” He polished off his beer and frowned. “Not sure about beer though.” He sat it down and smiled at the two of them. “I would like to know what else I like.”

            Dean nodded. “All right, tomorrow, we will go to the store. Get you some clothes of your own, your own shower stuff, and food, and go from there.” He took the beer bottle from Castiel. “And we’ll find you a beer you like better.”

            “Thank you, Dean.” He said and he noticed Dean blush. Castiel was pretty excited to learn more about being human. He loved humanity it always fascinated him. Now that he thought about it this could be a new and exciting adventure for him and he liked that idea. Especially if Dean was involved


	2. Shopping

            Castiel had a fairly restless night. Falling asleep and staying that way was much harder than he expected. Anytime the darkness of sleep would take over his brain would wake him back up. To his body sleep was abnormal even still yet. He wondered his way into the kitchen yawning loudly. The smell of breakfast invaded his nose and he felt his stomach growl.

            “Morning.” He greeted the Winchesters as he walked in. Sam was at the table with coffee and a newspaper and Dean was over the stove cooking something.

            “Morning, Cas,” Dean said as he looked over his shoulder. “Hope you’re hungry.” He grinned widely and laid down a plate of bacon on the table.

            That’s when Castiel noticed there was a plate of eggs, and sausage, toast and bacon, and even some sliced apples. “That’s uh, a lot of food for three people.” He stated as he sat down.

            Dean poured him a cup of coffee and grinned again. “Well, when you are cooking for someone who hasn’t really had food it’s hard to know what to cook. So, I cooked everything.” He sat down beside Castiel and grabbed a plate and placed items on it. “Dig in buddy.”

            “Dean, that’s a lot of greasy food. We need to teach Cas healthy eating habits.” Sam scolded as he sat down his paper and loaded up his plate with food.

            “That’s what the apples are for.” Dean protested. He loaded up a plate to Castiel and handed it to him.

            Castiel looked at the plate then him. He took it and sat it down. Dean had been acting a bit strange since he came into the bunker. He wondered why now Dean was serving him food. Not that he minded it was just odd. “Thank you, Dean.” He grabbed his utensils and looked at the food. He was not sure where to start.

            “Dude, bacon is like organismic. Try it first.” Dean said as he slid a piece into his mouth. He closed his eyes and wrapped his lips around it. It was almost sensual.

            “Dean,” Sam said with a huff of annoyance.

            Castiel picked up the bacon and took a bite out of it. It was crispy and greasy, the flavor flooded into his mouth and he gave a nod. “Good.”

            “Best thing ever, right?” Dean asked

            He shrugged. “My food experience is limited. It’d be unfair to label it as the best when,” He picked up a piece of sausage with his fork. “This could be better.” He took a bite of it. It was mushier and not as flavorful and a bit salty. “Ick, no never mind I don’t like this.” He pulled out the half-eaten sausage out and hid it in his napkin.

            “And bacon wins once again.” Dean said with a grin to Sam.

            “Try an apple, Cas.” Sam suggested

            Castiel grabbed one and took a bite. It crackled in his mouth and filled it with juices. “This,” He said mouthful of apple. “I like.”

            “Don’t chew with your mouth open.” Sam sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

            Dean rolled his eyes. “Great he likes rabbit food.”

            “You can’t live off of bacon and burgers alone, Dean.” Sam said he took a bite of his eggs. “We need to set a good example for him. He has to take care of his body now he can’t go cramming in greasy foods just because you like them.”

            The three of them finished the rest of breakfast quietly. Castiel concluded he liked bacon and apples, eggs were just okay. Orange juice was good to. He had several glasses of it during the meal. Dishes were cleaned then they got ready to head out to the store. The trio loaded up in the Impala.

            Castiel stared out the window as Dean and Sam discussed what stores to go to. This was unusual. The only clothes Castiel had been the ones on his back. His ‘holy tax account’ outfit had long been lost at that laundry mat. He kind of missed his clothes.

            “Hey, Cas,” Sam started. He looked at the backseat at him. “Uh, what size do you where?”

            He tilted his head. “I don’t understand the question.”

            “Clothes what size clothes did you, or well did Jimmy wear?” Dean asked

            He looked down at his clothes and shrugged. “These are your clothes, Dean; I do not know the size.” The two of them went back to talking and discussing how well Dean’s clothes did and did not fit him. Castiel sighed, he felt like a fledgling again.

            They pulled out at a large store. He stared at it he was unaware that humans used such large markets to shop in. He got out of the car and stared at the large building. “Human’s shop in such big things?”

            “What’s wrong, Cas, never seen a Wal-Mart before?” Dean asked

            Castiel shook his head. “My shopping was limited to little convince stores and when I forgot who I was me and my ‘wife’ shopped at a local grocery store.”

            “Well, stick by me and Sam, okay? This place is big and the last thing we need is you to get lost in it.” Dean said

            “I am not a child, Dean.”

            “I know, but it’s a big store.”

            They walked up to the large entrance and went inside. Castiel looked around it appeared the store had everything. A section of human care products, clothes, food, children toys, and even TVs.

            Sam got a cart and sighed. “All right, what do you want to get first, Cas?”

            He tilted his head. “I am not sure.” He looked at Dean. “What do you suggest?”

            Dean nodded. “I think we should split up. I hate this store with a passion. Sammy, get Cas some care products and I’ll take care of the clothes.”

            Sam raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you think Cas wants to pick his own stuff?”

            Castiel looked at him and smiled. “I think that’ll be fine.” He leaned into Sam’s ear and whispered. “Can you get me the same body was that Dean uses?”

            Sam gave a chuckle and said. “Okay, I’ll do that. I’ll meet you guys at the clothing department once I’m done.” He walked off.

            Dean nodded in a different direction. “Let’s find you some clothes.”

            Castiel followed him to the clothing department. He eyed various clothes and frowned. Everything was different. He looked at Dean who moved against the changing room and leaned against it. Castiel ran his hands over the clothes. He was unsure of what would work best. If he hunted he needed something practical, but he had no frame of reference. He was used to his old clothes. He stared at a button down shirt and let out a sigh.

            “You okay, Cas?” Dean asked

            “I am unsure of what to buy.” He pulled out a white button down shirt.

            “Want to replace the holy tax account outfit?” He smirked. “And here I was hoping you would let your hair down.”

            “My hair is down, Dean.” He handed Dean the shirt and Dean showed him the tag.

            “I don’t mean to sound mean but small ain’t going to fit.”

            “Oh,” He took it back and dug through the shirts. He realized suddenly that Dean was beside him. He stopped flipping through the shirts and looked at him. Here Dean was being kind again.

            Dean smiled warmly and looked at him with an expression of fondness as he pulled out two white shirts. “These should fit. But, we should get you something to lounge around in too.” He pulled out a blue one and held it up to Castiel. “How about a blue shirt? It will really bring out your eyes.” He blushed after he said that.

            “Bring out my eyes? Why would I need to do that?” Why did Dean suddenly care about how his eyes looked? Unless… no Dean couldn’t be attracted to him, could he?

            He smiled fondly and then looked embarrassed. “You know, for uh, a date. If you want to pick up chicks you need to look your best.” He slung the shirt over his arm. “Three dress shirts should be enough. We need to get you a suit for playing FBI and,” Dean rambled on.

            Castiel frowned. So Dean wanted to highlight his eyes so he could pick up a woman. He stared at Dean his freckled face, full cupid bow lips, green eyes. Why didn’t Dean see that is him he wanted not a girl? He licked his lips. When he was an angel he had a felt attraction to the man. Looking back on it he saw it now. He wanted Dean. He wanted to kiss him and hold him.

            “Cas, Cas, man, you listening to me?” Dean asked. He kept his distance from him. Dean was careful about his personal space.

            Castiel felt his heart break a little. Why did this hurt? It was easier when he was an angel he just told himself it was wrong and left it alone but now as a human his wants and desires overpowered him.

            Dean licked his lips and smiled again and Castiel wanted to pull him into a clothes rack and kiss his lips off. “How about this?” He held up a tie close to his face. “Yeah, looks good.” His hand was near his face and he much to Castiel’s surprise laid it on the side of his face.

            He leaned into the hand it was so warm and nice. He smiled at Dean.

            “Hope Sam gets you some razors. I don’t think you pull the beard look off well.” Dean mused as he added the tie to the pile of clothes on his arm and pulled his hand away from him.

            “Dean,” Castiel started. He took a deep breath. His mouth was acting before his brain. “I think I,” His brain caught up to his mouth. No, he was not about to tell Dean he liked him. “I uh,”

            “What’s up, Cas?” Dean asked as he found another tie.

            “What if I… like… like uh…”

            “Spit it out, Cas.” Dean then looked up behind him

            Castiel turned around as Sam brought the cart over. “Never mind.”

            Dean tossed the clothes into the cart and spotted the body wash. “Dude, you got Cas the same body wash I use?” He asked

            Sam shrugged. “First thing I grabbed. I also got him some boxers, undershirts, some lounge pants and, some socks.”

            Dean looked at the stuff. “All right all we need now some food.”

            Castiel followed the other men through the grocery department. He studied the back of Dean as he talked to Sam about various things including fighting over healthy food. He couldn’t take his eyes off Dean. This was madding to him. Part of him wanted to grab Dean and tell him he wanted him and kiss him and the other part of him told him to leave it alone. He had never seen Dean with anyone other than women. Sure Dean had been smiling at him a lot recently but what exactly did that mean? And Dean had been kind. He was actually very kind to him and that was something Dean had never done before. Maybe Dean felt bad for him?

            With his mind unfocused, Castiel didn’t notice they had wrapped up their shopping. They were in line checking out now and the clerk behind the counter kept grinning and giggling at Dean.

            “Wow, lots of stuff.” She said with a giggle. “Guess it’s been a while, huh?”

            “Yeah, well, we’ve been too busy to shop.” Dean said with a soft chuckle

            Sam rolled his eyes and Castiel realized that Dean was flirting with the woman.

            The ex-angel frowned. Why did Dean have to flirt in front of him? And why did this make him angry? Dean was acting as a human male typically did. He was searching for a mate. Yes, Dean did like women. Blond women, with smiles larger than their brains. ‘Easy lays’ as Dean put it. Castiel wondered how often he slept with this woman.

            She leaned forward and looked at Castiel. “Oh, you got a new friend. Hey, there.” She waved at Castiel.

            He glared at her and noticed her nametag read Jennifer.

            “Not friendly is he?” She asked as she continued scanning the items. She looked at all the clothes and raised an eyebrow.

            “Yeah,” Dean rested his arm on Castiel. “He’s a buddy of mine. He had a rough time. Crazy ex-girlfriend burnt all of his clothes and things.”

            “Oh, you poor thing.” She said and clutched her chest as she totaled the order and told them the amount. “Here,” She wrote down her phone number on the receipt. “Call me sometime honey.” She giggled again and winked at Castiel.

            He rolled his eyes and they headed out the door. Dean patted him hard on the shoulder.

            “Dang dude, you even getting cashiers attention. I can’t wait until we get you out on the dating scene and you get rid of that virginity of yours.” Dean said with a loud laugh

            He handed Dean the receipt. “I will not be going on a date with her.”

            Sam looked over at them his eyebrow raised. Castiel knew that Sam had realized his feelings for Dean were not platonic. Shame apparently Dean had yet to figure that out.

            Dean shrugged. “Not your type huh? What is your type?” He unlocked the Impala’s trunk and they started to unload the shopping cart.

            “I… I don’t have one.” Castiel said as he placed bags in there.

            “Come on, I mean everyone has a type.” Dean pressed.

            “Dean,” Sam said with a tone of warning

            Dean apparently ignored him, “I mean you liked Meg. Do you prefer brunettes? Jennifer does have a weird laugh. Is it the laugh?”

            “No, I uh,”

            “What is it then?” Dean shut the trunk. “I understood when you were an angel that you guys don’t or really didn’t have sex. But what’s holding you back now? You’re human, Cas, you want to enjoy it and that’s something to enjoy.”

            “Drop it, Dean.” Castiel hissed

            He rolled his eyes. “No, I really want to know. I’m trying to help you here.”

            Castiel crossed his arms. “Because who I like doesn’t feel the same for me as I do for them. Now can we go home?”

            They got in the car in silence. The trip back to the bunker was uneventful and Dean didn’t bring up Jennifer again. They unpacked everything. Castiel took his stuff to his room and unpacked it and put it away. He liked that he had his own stuff. He got his bathroom stuff and headed into the shower.

            He let the hot water beat down on his skin and it felt good like he was washing off the day. He smiled as he smelled the body wash on the washcloth. He found himself wishing Dean was in the shower with him but it was clear that probably wasn’t going to happen. He rinsed off and walked over to the mirror and sink. He got the razor out and started to shave. He thought back on how he had watched Dean do this and how he showed him how to shave. He sighed as he watched the shaving cream and flicks of black hair go down the sink. He toweled his face off and looked in the mirror. Now he looked like himself. For the most part. He got dressed and headed to the kitchen area for dinner.

            He walked in and Dean looked up at him. His green eyes went wide and he looked over him. Castiel felt his face redden. He remembered Dean had given him that roving look when he returned from Purgatory. “Dean,”

            The other man got up and walked up to him with a smile. “I’m going to change then make dinner.” He said as he walked by.

            He sat at the table with Sam and let out a sigh. “Sam,” He started and ran his hand through his hair. “I am struggling with my feelings.”

            “Your feelings for Dean?” He asked

            He felt his face heat up and he nodded. “I… I don’t know what to do, Sam, the thought of him being with anyone else hurts but… he doesn’t like me like that.”

            He smirked. “Cas, don’t write yourself out of that idea yet.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “I think you two have been dancing around each other for years now. You should just tell him.”

            “No! I can’t do that, Sam, what if he… if he doesn’t like me he’ll be angry and,”

            He shook his head. “Cas, listen just tell him. You two have been making eyes at one another for years. It’s not as one-sided as you think.”

            He crossed his arms. “I’ll tell him.” He nodded.

            “Tell me what?” Dean asked as he walked back into the room. He was in his night clothes lounge pants and a tee-shirt

            Castiel smiled at him as he walked over to the stove and started dinner. “Dean, I have something very important to tell you.”

            He looked at him. “What’s up, Cas?” He asked as he started to lay the meat they picked out on the skillet.

            Sam looked between them like he wanted to disappear in the floor.

            “When we were talking about… my ‘type’ of person at the store, I lied I do have a type.”

            He nodded. “Okay, like brunettes, blondes, big boobs, small boobs, or what?”

            He chewed on his lip. “The thing is… Dean, I believe you are my type.” There it was out in the open. Castiel former angel of the Lord was attracted to Dean Winchester.

            Dean laughed. “Good one, Cas.”

            “I am not joking, Dean. I find you very attractive. My body… no, my brain won’t stop thinking about you. It’s getting uncomfortable. I daydream about you in the shower,”

            “Whoa, whoa there!” Dean shouted. “This, you can’t do this.”

            Castiel felt like he had been punched in the chest. Sam was wrong Dean didn’t like him at all. Panic rose up.

            “Listen, Cas, I don’t swing that way. I’m sorry I just don’t,”

            He jumped up from the table. Tears burned his eyes. “I am sorry, Dean. I am sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.” He ran out of the kitchen. He needed to escape. He heard them call after him but he ignored them and kept going. He couldn’t believe he did something so stupid. He berated himself as he left the Bunker with a loud sob. He looked up at the sky his back ached he wanted his wings back he wanted to fly away. But, all he had was his human legs and he let them carry him away from the Bunker and the Winchesters.


	3. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confessions in the rain and Castiel learns about one of the bad parts about being human

 

            Castiel just kept walking. He had no idea where he was going he just knew he had to go. Tears streamed down his face angry hot tears that filled him with sadness. He had never felt such pain like this before. He knew emotional pain. He felt it when he killed his brothers and sisters, when his fellow angels turned on him, and when he plunged his blade into Balthazar. His heart ached and he crossed his arms around himself choking back a painful agonizing sob. A single thought coursed through his mind; Dean did not feel the same for him as he did for Dean.

            Another sob wracked out of his throat. He believed this is what being heart-broken felt like. “Dean.” He rubbed his face and let out another sob. “He doesn’t love me.” The reality sunk in. He couldn’t believe he let himself think that Dean did. Dean liked females and Castiel had the wrong vessel to get Dean’s love. He had thought briefly that Dean was flirting with him; the smirks and grins he used he had seen him use on many women in bars at times. It was apparently different.

            He looked around he was in the woods. He had stepped away from the road and was down in the woods now. He frowned and hoped he didn’t get lost. Without his grace, he no longer had a sense of where he was. He felt a cold drop of water land on his face. He looked up and it had begun raining. Great that was just what he needed now. He sloshed through the every growing muddy Earth. The rain soaked through his clothes and began to chill him. He shivered. He had never experienced cold like this before. He never got cold as an angel, not to this extent. He felt cold he recognized cold but didn’t truly feel it not like this. The rain picked up and soaked him. He started to seek shelter. He found a large tree that was for the most part blocking the rain. He leaned up against it and cried in the rain. Rain and tears mixed on his face as his soaked body shivered.

            “Cas!” He heard a voice call that almost sounded like Dean. He shook his head. Dean wouldn’t come for him. Dean would leave him out here to freeze.

            He crossed his arms as the shivering increased. He was so cold now.

            “Cas! Come on, man, I’m sorry let’s talk please!” That was defiantly Dean’s voice calling out to him.

            “Dean!” He called back. Then he saw a figure off in the distance.

            “Cas!” He called again.

            “I am over here!” He called back. He then saw Dean’s tall figured walk down into the wooded area.

            “What are you doing down here?” He asked as he walked closer to him. Castiel noticed how his eyes looked red-rimmed. Had Dean been crying?

            “I… I don’t know. I just wanted to get away.” He looked away from Dean

            Dean looked over him. “Geez, Cas, you’re soaked.” He reached out to him and Castiel slapped his hand away.

            “Don’t. I’m not playing this game with you, Dean.”

            He looked away. He looked hurt. He shook his head and looked at Castiel. Green met blue and he held his gaze. “Cas, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I…”

            “No, I get it, Dean. I’m just a friend and no matter how I feel it will never change.”

            “No! That’s not it!” Dean shouted. He ran his hands through his hair and looked up at the road. “Listen, I am sorry, okay! I… I’m an idiot.” He sighed. “I… I haven’t been honest with you, Cas,” He smiled a sad smile. “I like you… no I… geez man I have had feelings for a while.” The rain was now soaking Dean. “I’m not sure when it started. I know, a few times with Lisa…” He blushed. “I would wish I was with you. I missed you so much during that time, and then I thought you died.” He gave a sad laugh. “And when I found you again I thought… there’s my chance I got a second chance and we’d be happy. Then you took on Sam’s hell memories and there was Meg so… I thought I… but when we were in Purgatory… I was so scared without you and I slept better at night knowing you were there and… I wanted you to be there by my side forever… then in Lucifer’s crypt, I wanted to tell you but…”

            Castiel felt his heart beat faster. “Dean, why,”

            He shook his head. “Everyone I have ever loved has gotten hurt. My parents, Bobby, Sam a few times, hell you died at least three times since I’ve known you, then Lisa lost her memory and I figured that was the universe’s way of telling me that I didn’t stand a chance at happiness that me trying was pointless. I pushed you away because… if we…” He started to tear up. “It’s going to end badly. If we do this something will happen something always does.”

            Castiel reached out on instinct and laid his hand on Dean’s cheek. “Dean, I’m scared too. I’ve felt this way for a while but not like this. I… want you, Dean.”

            He leaned into his hand. “Cas, Cas… I think I... love you.”

            His heart melted. Tears flew down his face not out of sadness but out of happiness. He leaned forward and pulled Dean closer to him. “Dean.” He murmured. He pressed his lips to his. Fear coursed through him for a second. What if Dean meant a different type of love? His fears vanished as Dean kissed him back. They melted into the kiss, hands roaming over each other, tears and rain mixing and making their lips wet. Castiel kept pulling Dean closer and closer to him as the kiss became more passionate.

            Dean broke the kiss with a light push. “Cas, stop.”

            “Why?” His heart leaped in his chest. “Did I do it wrong? Meg seemed to enjoy our kiss I thought I,”

            He shook his head. “It’s escalating too fast. Plus we need to get out of this rain. You’re shivering pretty badly.”

            Castiel had stopped noticing it. “Oh… I suppose.”

            “Sam is out driving around. We didn’t know which way you went.” He looked at the road as he heard the sound of the Impala. He pulled Castiel close to him as he headed to the road.

            The sleek black car pulled up to them and stopped. Sam rolled down the window. “Dude, Cas, you are soaked.”

            Dean opened the back seat and let Castiel in. He joined him in the back. Sam looked at them with a raised eyebrow but somehow understood what it meant. “Where’s that blanket?”

            “Under the seat, I think.” Sam said as he started driving back to the bunker.

            Castiel didn’t notice how far he had actually walked away from the bunker. He felt the warmth as the heat cranked up and Dean slung the blanket around him. He shivered again.

            Dean started to rub Castiel’s arms. “Oh man, you are going to catch a cold from this.”

            He shivered again. “Dean,” He started and Dean pulled him close to him. His words were forgotten he buried his head in Dean’s chest. He was so warm he liked it.

            “I’m going to try to warm you up baby.” Dean said softly as he rubbed his back

            Sam snickered. “I see what happened.”

            “Shut it, Sam.” Dean hissed

            Sam looked at him through the rearview mirror. “What? I’m happy for you two.”

            Castiel nuzzled his head further in Dean’s chest and tuned out the brothers. He focused on the warmth and Dean’s scent as it mixed with the Earthy smells of rain. He let out a content sigh his eyes felt heavy he heard Dean whisper to him.

            “You’re safe now, baby.”

 

 

**

 

            Castiel was woken up by a shake. They were back at the bunker now. He let out a yawn and set up. He looked at Dean and noticed how his hair had gotten Dean’s shirt wet. “Sorry.”

            “It’s fine.”

            They got out of the car and Dean took his hand and led him to his room. “Get those wet clothes off so I can dry them.”

            Castiel looked at him and frowned. He didn’t understand why he was making a big deal about it. He piled off his clothes and Dean looked away blushing. He had forgotten humans had an issue with nudity. He handed Dean his wet clothes.

            Dean took them without looking at him. “Get on some warm clothes and I’ll fix us some cocoa.” He left his room no doubt to get out his wet clothes.

            Castiel felt a little bit better without the soggy clothes on. He walked to his closet and pulled out new clothes and put them on. His lips still tingled from the kiss. He wanted to kiss Dean again and he wanted to hold him against him and push him on the bed and make love to him. He blinked. He felt his face heat up he was not accustomed to thoughts like that. He walked out of his room and down to the library area. Sam was sitting there with a towel in his hand.

            “Here,” He held it out. “You need to dry your hair off.”

            Castiel took it with a thanks and started to dry his hair. His hair was unruly and stuck out everywhere he wondered how Jimmy could tolerate such radical hair.

            “I turned up the heat some. Dean just tossed the clothes in the dryer and is making cocoa now.” Sam said as Castiel sat down. “So… you two are a thing now?”

            He shrugged. “I am unsure. He told me he loved me and I kissed him.”

            Sam raised his eyebrows. “You kissed him?”

            He nodded. “Pretty hard I might add like I saw the pizza man do.”

            He rolled his eyes. “Cas, don’t use porn as a gauge for your love life. Reality isn’t like that.”

            “What about those movies Dean calls ‘chick flicks’?”

            “Also unrealistic. Listen, Cas, life is way different than movies or TV shows. You got to follow your instincts. I know you’ve never been human before but what does your gut tell you to do?”

            He sighed. “Kiss your brother senseless….”

            “See,”

            “And throw him on the bed and make love to him,”

            “Whoa, whoa, Cas, too much information.”

            Dean walked into the room carrying steaming hot mugs. “Cocoa.” He announced as he sat it down on the table. He had also changed his clothes. He sat down. “I’ll fix that meat tomorrow. We got leftover pizza in the fridge anyway.”

            “I thought you and Cas ate it all?” Sam asked as he sipped his cocoa

            “Cheese pizza was left over.” He shrugged

            Castiel sipped on his cocoa. He liked the warmth of it. He reached out and laid his hand on Dean’s on the table. “Thank you, Dean.”

            “Your welcome.” He squeezed his fingers.

            They sat there at the table drinking cocoa and holding hands and Castiel couldn’t be any happier.

            Sam smiled at both of them. “I hope you two don’t make this awkward.” He teased

            Dean looked at him and smirked. “Just for that I’m going to make you so uncomfortable you’ll have to move out.” He kissed Castiel’s hand

            Castiel felt himself blush. He looked at Dean and leaned in for a kiss. He placed his lips on Dean and Dean gave out a moan most likely to add to Sam’s discomfort. Castiel kissed him harder and started to lean into his chair. The chair gave a groan of protest as Castiel practically got in Dean’s lap. His nose tickled and he pulled away to say something when he suddenly sneezed almost on Dean’s face.

            Dean frowned and Sam laughed. “Bless you.” Dean said with a hint of annoyance.

            “Sorry,” Castiel sneezed again and almost knocked himself into the floor. He took that as his cue to move all the way back into his chair. He let out a sniffle and Sam handed him a tissue.

            “Blow, or else you’ll make yourself worse.”

            Castiel looked at the tissue and thought about how he had seen them do it before. He placed the tissue over his nose and blew. He sneezed again and looked at them. “I don’t feel good.” As soon as those words left his mouth Dean’s arm was on his forehead.

            “I think we need to get him to bed.” Sam said

            Dean nodded in agreement.

            Castiel frowned. “What’s wrong?” He asked his throat suddenly hurt. Dean took his hand and pulled him to his feet.

            “Dude, you were kissing all over him too.” Sam said as they started down the hall to the rooms.

            “I know, I know, I’ll wash my hands really good and take some vitamin C and whatever.” Dean said as he opened the door to Cas’s room.

            “What’s wrong with me?” Castiel asked. He cough panic filled his body. There must be something wrong with him for them to act like this.

            “Calm down, Cas.” Dean said with reassurance

            “You have a cold probably.” Sam said as Dean walked in the room and turned down Castiel’s bed sheets.

            “Cold? I warmed up though.”

            “You’re getting sick, Cas.” Dean said as Castiel started to cough. He led Castiel over to his bed. “You probably got it at the homeless shelter or something.”

            “Hope it’s not the flu.” Sam said his voice coated in worry.

            Castiel looked at the bed then at them. “A human illness?” He sneezed again.

            “Lay down, Cas.” Dean said.

            Castiel got into bed and the eldest Winchester pulled the covers over him. “But, Dean, if I am sick what about you?”

            Sam gave Dean a look. “If we are lucky he didn’t catch it. But if you were sick when you got here…”

            “Then we’ll all be sick.” Dean said with a sigh.

            Castiel frowned. “I am sorry I didn’t mean to make trouble for you guys.”

            “It’s fine, honey. You rest I’ll make you some soup and maybe some tea. Just rest.” Dean said

            Castiel gave a nod and watched them leave the room. He was feeling happy, but now he ached all over. He sneezed again and rolled over on his side with a sigh. He hoped he didn’t make everyone sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a moment when I was writing this that I went oh colds don't come on that fast lol. But oh well there it is


	4. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is dealing with his illness

            Castiel woke up his body wracking with coughs. He patted his chest to clear up the cough and nothing seemed to help. He was hot and sweaty. He tossed the blankets off of himself and went to get out of bed. His feet touched the floor and the sensation sent a dull sensation of discomfort up his legs. He wobbled and crashed into this nights stand.

            “Dean, Sam,” He called out. He pushed himself back on his feet and stumbled out into the hallway. He was so hot he couldn’t stand it. His vision blurred even his eyes hurt. “Help!” He called out his body shook and he fell to his knees in a coughing fit. He suddenly noticed he was not alone as he saw two pairs of boots by his side. He looked up through his blurry vision.

            “Dude, you need to stay in bed.” Dean said. He took his arm and helped him up.

            “I’m going to get the thermometer. We should check his temperature.” Sam said as he left the hallway.

            Dean guided Castiel back to his room. “Why where you up?”

            “I was hot, and I need… I don’t know… but I need it.”

            Dean sat him on the bed. “Sam’s going to get you some medicine after we check your temperature. We were hoping it would pass after you got a good night’s rest but it doesn’t look it.” He patted his face in an affectionate way.

            “Don’t you’ll get sick too.” Castiel whimpered as Dean wrapped a blanket around him.

            “I’ll be fine. I’m just worried about you.” Dean confessed as Sam walked into the room.

            Sam held out a small plastic thing. “Open your mouth.” He instructed Castiel.

            “What is that?” He asked as he frowned out the device.

            “A thermometer, it checks your body’s temperature.” He placed it under Castiel tongue and it made him uncomfortable. He went to protest and Sam said. “Shhh, don’t talk, Cas.”

            Castiel waited in silence as the item felt like it was going to stab his tongue out. It made a beep and Sam pulled it out.

            “One hundred, geez, I’m going to get the cold medicine. Dean, we might have to take him to the doctor.”

            Dean looked at Castiel and sighed. “Yeah, you think I don’t know that.” He sniped at his brother. “Listen, get the medicine I’ll take care of Cas.”

            “Be sure you get him to drink a lot of water.” Sam suggested

            He rolled his eyes. “Do remember who took care of you when you were sick as a kid.”

            “I know…” Sam cast a look at Castiel then left the room.

            Castiel coughed. It rattled in his chest and hurt. He let out a groan and laid his hand on his chest. “Dean,” He whined, yes Castiel former Angel of the Lord was whining. “Dean, am I dying?” He coughed again.

            Dean patted his back and handed him a bottle of water that he must have been holding and Castiel didn’t notice. “No, not on my watch.”

            He took the water his shaky hands undid the lid and he drank the water in one go. He stomach made a noise of protest.

            “Are you hungry?” Dean asked

            He shook his head. The thought of food made him want to vomit. “No,” He groaned as he pulled the blanket tighter. “I feel cold and hot. How can I be both?”

            “Your body is fighting off this illness and I’m going to make some soup and you,” He said and pointed at him. “Are going to eat it.”

            “Not hungry.” He huffed.

            “You need to eat, Cas, just let me take care of you.” He said and left his room.

            Castiel shivered and sweat gathered on his face. This was miserable. He wanted to lie down and give up. He coughed again and his chest ached. He leaned against his bed and prayed for relief or death whichever came first. His door opened up and Dean came in with a tray of soup, crackers, water, and a steaming mug of something. The smell went up his nose and he almost threw up.

            “Eat, Cas, trust me it will help.” He sat the tray in front of him.

            Castiel eyed the food and frowned. “I don’t want it.”

            Dean huffed and got a spoonful of soup and brought it to Castiel’s lips. “Don’t make me fed you because I will.”

            “Dean,” Castiel started to protest when the spoon was stuck in his mouth. His body rejected the food but then part of his body decided he was hungry. He took the spoon from Dean and slowly started to eat.

            Dean pushed him some crackers. “These will help settle your stomach too.”

            Castiel ate on both until the bowl was empty. “It was good, Dean, did you make it yourself.” He watched Dean as he pulled a bag out of the steaming mug and squeezed the bag on a spoon then stirred the mug.

            He smiled and shook his head. “No, baby, it’s can soup.”

            “Well, it was good.” Dean held out the mug to him and Castiel raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What is that?”

            “Honey tea, it should help soothe your throat. I’m sure it’s sore from all the coughing.”

            He took the mug and sipped it. It was hot but it coated his throat in comfort and warmth. “This is good too.”

            “Well good.” He sat beside him on the bed and started to rub his back. Castiel leaned into the touch. “I’m sure you are aching all over. Sorry, we didn’t have any cold medicine here in the bunker.”

            Sam walked into the room as if on cue. He had a bag in his hand. “I got the best stuff they had.” He pulled out a small box and opened it. He popped out two oval shaped pills in his hand and held them out to Castiel. “You have to take these every six hours until it clears up.”

            Castiel took them and thanked Sam. He took the bottle of water and took the medicine.

            “You look a little bit better.” Sam said

            “I got him to eat.” Dean said with a satisfied smirk

            “Either way if he starts getting worse he has to go to the doctor.” Sam laid the pillbox on the nightstand. “Now, Cas, you can’t take anymore until six hours from now.”

            He nodded. “I understand, Sam.”

            Sam gave a warm smile. “I am going to do some research see if anything has come up with…” He trailed off

            “The angels falling?” Castiel asked. His heart was heavy his brothers and sisters falling was his fault and here he was sick and cuddling up to Dean Winchester. Fear struck through him what if they decided to get revenge by killing Dean. Instinctively he took Dean’s hand and held it tight.

            Sam nodded. “Yeah, and other things.” Sam said and he left the room.

            Dean looked at Castiel. He clearly must have sensed his feelings. “Don’t worry about it. You’re safe with us.”

            Castiel gave a nod. He felt safe but did that mean he would have to spend his human life hiding in the bunker like a coward. “I want to help, Dean.”

            “I’m sure but you are not helping now. Now you are getting better.” He gave him a hug. “I’m going to get my laptop and we can watch a movie on Netflix.” Dean left and returned shortly. He sat up the laptop on the tray. He found a movie for them to watch and cuddled up to Castiel. “You’re so hot.” He muttered

            “Was that a flirtation?” Castiel asked and huffed out another cough

            He shook his head. “No, you are literally hot.” He shrugged. “Well, both kinds but I was talking about your temperature.”

            Castiel rested his head against Dean’s shoulder. He was too tired to argue. He slowly closed his sore eyelids. He just wanted some rest.

 

&&

 

            Castiel woke up again later with a strong urge to urinate. He sat up and realized that Dean was gone. He looked around his head was aching dully. He climbed out of bed and stumbled a bit to the bathroom. He completed his business and washed his hands. He discovered being sick even urinating felt like work. He dried his hands and fumbled his way back to bed. He stared at the sheets. He would have to wash those when he was better. He sat on his bed and coughed again. His stomach lurched and he frowned. He felt his mouth fill with saliva he sat up again and grabbed a nearby trashcan out of instinct which was a good thing as he emptied his stomach contents into it. He heaved until nothing else came up. He was miserable. He set the can down and laid on the bed. There was another bottle of water and he finished it off. He just wanted to feel better.

            There was a knock on the door and Dean walked in. “You fell asleep so I left so you could get some rest.” He looked over at the trashcan and frowned.

            “I threw up. I did not like it.”

            “No one does, Cas.” He booted the trashcan in the hall. “I’ll take care of that.” He pulled out the thermometer and checked his temperature. “101. Shit, it’s going up not going down.”

            “Dean, I feel awful.” He stared into Dean’s eyes. If he felt better he would kiss him but he can still taste his own stomach contents in his mouth and he figured Dean didn’t want a taste.

            Dean ran his hand along Castiel’s jaw. “I’m sure, baby.” He sat beside him and wrapped his arms around him. “I can’t make the sickness go away but I can help you feel better.” He started to rub Castiel’s shoulders.

            Castiel let out a content sound and he leaned into the touch. “Oh Dean, that feels great.” He moaned

            “Do you like that?” He heard Dean’s voice hitch when he asked

            Castiel looked over his shoulder at Dean who was blushing now. “What’s wrong?”

            He blinked and chewed on his lips. “Uh,” He looked away but kept massaging him.

            “Is it the noise I made does it bother you?”

            He blushed again. “Bother isn’t the right word well, not exactly.”

            He tilted his head. “Does it arouse you?”

            His eyes widened and he looked away. Dean in typical fashion dodged the question and cards his fingers through Castiel’s hair.

            He let out a content sound and tilted his head back so Dean could get a better hold of his hair. He closed his eyes and another moan slipped out. “Feels so good, Dean.” He felt Dean’s hands stiffen. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable again.”

            “It’s fine.” Dean responded quickly. He worked his way through Castiel’s hair and down his back. Castiel just laid there and let Dean explore him with his hands. He loved it a lot. “Cas, it’s time for another dose.” He felt Dean shift and pick up the medicine and hand him two pills and a bottle of water.

            Castiel stared at it. “Is this stuff really helping?” He asked as he took it.

            “Do you feel better?”

            He gave a nod. “More so after the message…” He looked at Dean. “Can we do that again even after I’m no longer sick?”

            “Of course, Cas,” Dean rubbed his arms in reassurance. “As long as I get one in return.” He said with a wink.

            “Certainly, Dean, I am not selfish.” He smiled

            Dean leaned in as if to kiss him then stopped. “I almost forgot you were sick.” He placed a kiss on his forehead instead. “Sorry.”

            Castiel gave a nod then a yawn. After Dean’s massage, he was tired again. He laid down on the bed and let out a yawn.

            “Going to sleep again? You just woke up.”

            “I’m tired.” He sighed. He heard Dean grumble something and the medicine box shake.

            “Non-drowsy my ass.” He mumbled

            “I’m just tired, Dean.” He sighed into his pillow. He felt Dean rub his back some more.

            “Cas, I hate to tell you but if you aren’t better by tomorrow we are taking you to the doctor.”

            “Doctor?” He asked into his pillow

            “Please tell me you know what a doctor is.” He groaned

            He coughed. “I am not an idiot, Dean; a doctor is a person that treats human illness.” He coughed again and Dean patted his back. He wouldn’t admit he was a little scared of the idea of going to a doctor but that was between him and his pillow.

            “Yeah, your right.” He ran his hands along Castiel’s back and patted them with cupped hands. “Trying to break up that cough it’s getting worse.”

            He buried his head in his pillow. “I am going to doctor aren’t I?”

            There was a long pause and Dean finally said. “Probably, Cas, I’m not going to sugar coat it. I’m worried man.”

            “I noticed.”

            He ran his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, baby, being a human isn’t all that glamorous.”

            He coughed. It hurt. He coughed again and then sneezed. “Dean, it hurts when I cough.”

            He patted his back. “Rest okay.”

            Castiel listened to Dean leave the room and he slowly fell back asleep. He woke up a few minutes later not fully awake but only half aware of what was going on.

            “His sick, Sam, I’m worried.” He heard Dean say followed by the thumps of his boots.

            “I know, Dean, his temperature didn’t go down?” Sam asked

            “No, I… god what if he gets worse.”

            “Calm down, Dean. We’ll check tomorrow even if he still has that cough we’ll take him to the doctor.” Sam reassured him.

            Castiel drifted back asleep as Dean answered Sam. He missed the rest of the conversation.

 

&&

 

            Castiel woke up the next day. It was hard to breathe now. He coughed and huffed as he sat up. He didn’t feel much better than he did the day before. He groaned in pain and shivered as he looked to see Dean asleep in the chair by his bed. “Dean,” He cried.

            The hunter’s green eyes suddenly popped open and he jumped from his chair. “Cas,” He looked at him and his face paled. “Sam!” He called.

            Next thing Castiel realized the thermometer was being stuck in his mouth again. His body ached all over. Sam ran into the room and took one look at Castiel and frowned. “Dean,” Castiel cried and the hunter laid his hand on his bottom jaw.

            “No talking, Cas,” The object beeped and Dean swore. “Okay, we are going to the doctor.”

            Castiel watched the two Winchesters run around the room in a hurry. He let out a cough as Dean covered him with a coat and Sam helped him get his shoes on. Fear crept up on him. “What’s wrong? Dean, I don’t understand.” He pleaded as they helped him up.

            “Your temperature is too high.” Sam said as they took him to the Impala

            Castiel looked at Dean in concern as the eldest Winchester helps him in the car. “Dean,” He sits in the back seat. His scared his body aches it feels unnaturally hot. “I’m scared.” He cried out. He hated sounding weak. He used to lead armies and here he was in near tears in the backseat of Dean’s car.

            “You’re going to be fine.” Dean reassured him as he clipped in his seatbelt. He got in the driver’s side and the car lurched forward.

            Fear does not subside as he noticed Sam’s worried glances as they drive down the road. He clutched the jacket wrapped around him and lets out a whimper. “Help.” Escaped his mouth.

            Sam reached back to him and took his hand. “It’s okay, Cas, I got you. We are getting you help.”

            His vision started to blacken at the edges. He let out another pitiful sound and the last thing he heard was Sam calling out his name and telling to stay with them as the darkness took over.


	5. Hospital and Doctors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel in the hospital.

Castiel woke up. He was staring at a white ceiling and knew he was not in the bunker. A TV played in the distance, and there was the sound of beeping and humming equipment. He let out a small groan.

            “Ah, I see you are awake. I timed that pretty well.” A female voice said

            He focused his eyes and noticed there was a woman standing in front of him with a clipboard in her hand. “Where’s Dean?” He asked his voice weak it startled himself

            She looked at the clipboard. “The man that brought you in? They stepped out so I could examine you.” She walked up to him and shined a penlight in his eyes.

            “What happened to me?”

            “Your body temperature spiked which caused you to pass out.”

            “Why?”

            She smiled as she checked his heart rate. “You are very ill young man. Worse case of the flu I have seen in a man of your age. Did you get a flu shot?”

            “No, I didn’t need one.”

            She rolled her eyes. “Everyone thinks they won’t get sick. Flu isn’t something to mess with Mr. Novak. It can get deadly.” She wrote down some more notes. “You got very lucky.” She tapped the cart in her hand. “If your friends didn’t bring you here you as soon as they did you would be in worse shape. I got an order in for something for your flu. It won’t end it but it’ll make it last less long. Also,” She flipped the cart. “You have a mild case of pneumonia so I have an anti-biotic ordered as well. Once those come in and I know you are stable I’ll let you go home.” She turned on her heels and walked out.

            Castiel let out a sigh this was not his first time in the hospital. When he was briefly human during the Apocalypse he was put in the hospital after the injuries he had sustained so Dean would save Adam. He heard a noise and looked to see Sam walk in. “Where’s Dean?”

            “I made him go for a walk,” he sat in the visitor’s chair. “He was freaking out over this.” Sam ran his hands through his long hair.

            “Why? This was not his fault.”

            “You know Dean. He takes the burden all on his shoulders. Said he should have taken you to the doctor sooner and such.” He patted his arm. “How are you feeling, Cas?”

            “Terrible. I hope to never get sick again.”

            “Unfortunately its part of being human, we get sick it’s facts of life.”

            He sighed. This was the first time his own mortality really stood in front of him. Yes, as an angel, he could have been struck down. It had happened to him before but now as a human, a simple bug could defeat him if he wasn’t careful. The possibilities seemed endless as his mind thought of many ways he could die.

            “Are you okay?” Sam asked

            Castiel huffed. “I am unsure. I never really thought that… a germ could take this much of a toll on me.”

            “I am sure; I mean you have been in Jimmy’s body for years now. There’s a possibility it could have taken a toll on his immune system.”

            “True. Sam, what is a flu shot?”

            Sam laughed. “It’s a shot they give every year to help stop the flu. You can still get it as the strain changes throughout flu season it just makes you less sick.”

            “Did you get one?”

            “I did and so did Dean.” Sam rubbed the back of his neck. “Guess that’s another thing we have to think about with you being human.”

            Castiel frowned. “I don’t like this.” He coughed. His ribs were getting sore now.

            “No one does.”

            About that time, Dean walked into the room. “Cas.” He said. His face lit up into a bright smile. “Cas, I,” He walked up to the side of the bed and nudged Sam out of his chair to sit by Castiel’s bed.

            “Hello, Dean.” Castiel said. His voice sounded gruffer than usual. He rubbed his throat and coughed.

            “I’ll get you some water.” Sam said. He stepped out of the room.

            “I’m glad to see you are okay.” Dean took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

            “Other than feeling terrible I guess I am okay.” Castiel said. He looked at Dean and looked into his deep green eyes. They were pretty, warm, and comforting.

            “You are going to feel terrible for a while.” Dean said with a frown. “You scared me half to death when you passed out in the car.”

            “It was not my intention to scare you. I am sorry.”

            “It’s fine. I’m just glad you are okay.”

            A nurse walked into the room followed by Sam. She had a cup of pills in her hand. She handed them to Castiel along with a cup of water. “Take these, honey.”

            He stared at the cup for a second then at her.

            Dean leaned in. “Swallow them. Put them in your mouth and drink the water and swallow.” He whispered.

            He nodded and put the pills in his mouth and drank the water and swallowed. It felt weird as the whole items went down his throat. He started to cough again but he managed to get them down.

            She looked at Sam. “I’ll bring the prescription up shortly. I’ll check his temperature then and hopefully, you will be able to go home.”

            “Thank you.” Sam said as she left the room. He looked at Castiel. “Once those kick in you should start feeling better.”

            Castiel frowned. “I did not like that.” He coughed again.

            “Anti-biotics are pretty big horse pills.” Dean said with a smile

            “Horse pills?” Castiel asked his head tilted.

            “They are uh, big and hard to swallow.”

            He gave a nod.

            Sam looked at Dean. “Did you find an insurance card we can use for him?”

            Dean pulled out a card out of his pocket. “This one is still good. I checked before I came in.”

            “Insurance?” Castiel asked

            “Yeah, it’s how people pay for stuff like this.” Sam said as he took the card. He leaned over to Dean and whispered in case anyone could hear them. “We need to make him IDs and cards.” He handed Castiel a bottle of water. “I’m going to give the insurance card to the billing people.” He left the room.

            Dean ran his hand through his hair. “Hope they don’t check too well. The last thing we need is the law coming after us for kidnapping.”

            Castiel frowned. The last time he was in the hospital it was not a problem. He woke up and handed them every single card he had found in his (well Jimmy’s wallet) until something stuck. He had never really thought about it. He had no use for the stuff; he didn’t need an ID or a credit card. He had purchased his phone as he didn’t have one. If Jimmy had one it must have been left at home and not in his coat pocket. He usually had some cash on him that Sam or Dean would give to him in case he needed it. Money that was another thing he had never thought of before. He would need money now, more than he had ever had.

            Sam walked back into the room. “We are good to go.” He held up a piece of paper. “The stay is paid for and she gave me the prescription in the hall.” He folded it and put it in his pocket.

            “Good.” Castiel said. He tossed the blanket back and went to get up. Dean laid his hand on his chest.

            “Nope, you aren’t going anywhere. The nurse has to check you out remember?”

            He frowned and the nurse walked in pulling something behind her.

            “Got to get your vitals, dear.” She said as she stopped by the bed. She stuck a thermometer under his tongue and put a cuff on his arm. She started to pump the cuff and it swelled and squeezed his arm. He let out a muffled ouch when she stopped. “Blood pressure is good. The doctor just wanted me to double check.” She took the thermometer out of his mouth. “Temperature is down too. Still running a fever but not as bad.” She looked at the brothers. “Be sure you have him check in with his regular doctor. I hope you two have a nice day.” And she walked out.

            Castiel rubbed his arm. “That was unpleasant.” He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and Dean took his hand. “I don’t,” He didn’t have time to argue as Dean helped him off the bed.

            He pointed at him. “You are getting my help. I don’t want you getting worse.” He kept ahold of his hand.

            Castiel looked at their interlocked hands. “Dean, are you?”

            “Let’s go.” He said.

            Dean never let go of Castiel’s hand as they headed to the parking lot. He felt the warmth of the hand. He could practically feel Dean’s love radiating off of the hand. He looked at Dean who seemed indifferent to everything as he made his way to the Impala. Castiel smiled. He was surprised that Dean Winchester the man who often stated no ‘chick flick’ moments was willing to hold his hand.

            Sam looked at the two of them and smiled at Castiel. Castiel could tell this was a special moment and a big one in his and Dean’s relationship. It may be something too small to most especially since he and Dean had made out a few times but this was public this was him showing to anyone who could see that he had claimed Castiel.

            They made it to the black car. Dean helped Castiel into the back seat and the two brothers got in the front.

            “Okay,” Dean started. “I’m going to take him home. Then you can take the car and get his medicine.”

            “All right.” Sam said. “I think I should get him a new phone too. Since he lost the last one.”

            “I’ll get into contact about making him some fake IDs. We can’t have him using Jimmy’s for all we know Amalia has him in missing persons and we don’t need that type of heat on us.” Dean said as he started the car

            Castiel leaned into his seat. He closed his eyes and listened to the murmuring of Sam and Dean. He drifted off not exactly to sleep but a comfortable space in-between. Next thing he knew, they were back at the bunker. Dean opened the door for him and helped him out and Sam got in the driver’s seat.

            “Take it easy and Dean, you be sure you wash your hands. We can get sick from him you know.” Sam lectured and he backed the car back down the road.

            Dean walked with Castiel into the bunker. “You need to get to bed.”

            “I am not tired.”

            “You still need to rest.” He put his arm around Castiel’s shoulder and walked him to his room.

            “Dean?”

            “Yeah?” They stopped in front of Castiel’s room and Dean opened the door.

            “I uh,” He felt his face heat up when Dean looked at him. It was silly and childish to feel nervous about it. After all, he had kissed the man before. “I really liked holding hands with you. I hope we can do it again.”

            Dean’s face broke out into a large grin. “Yeah, man, I liked it too.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess.”

            Castiel walked into his room. “I feel silly getting flustered by it…” He trailed off.

            He shrugged. “You’re human now. You are still getting used to things.” He put his hands in his pockets. “I’m getting used to this.”

            “This? Me being human?”

            “That and uh, us. I never thought that this would ever be possible for us to happen.”

            Castiel gave a soft sigh and sat on his bed. “I am glad that it happened.”

            He gave a nod. “Well, I’m going to make you some food and,”

            “I don’t want to be alone.” He said softly. He had been human for several days now, almost a week. He no longer could hear his siblings. The silence was starting to get to him. Angels were constantly connected to one another via ‘angel radio’ he could and often did shut it off but since those last few whispers when he first became human he heard nothing. He could no longer sense them either or even other life forms unless he was looking at him. He felt alone. He looked at Dean who looked at him with worried green eyes. “I am sorry, Dean. I am just used to…” He shrugged. How could he explain it to a human? “Used to feeling… and hearing other angels.”

            He nodded. “I guess not having angel radio anymore is odd isn’t it?”

            “Yes, I used to be able to sense that there were others around even non-angels. But now… I sense nothing… I feel… alone.”

            “Cas,” His face softened he walked over to his bed and rested his hands on his shoulders. “You’re not alone. You never will be alone. You have me and Sammy. We are your family and we will be by your side.”

            “Dean,” Castiel felt his heart thud in his chest. What was this feeling? Warmth enveloped him, he couldn’t imagine being away from him. “Thank you, Dean.”

            He nodded. “Now, I am going to make some soup. You need to rest.” He let go of Castiel and walked out of his room.

            Castiel sighed and lay down on his bed. His body still had a warm tingly feeling and it wasn’t from the flu or at least he hoped not. He stared at the ceiling. His mind drifted to Dean, his mind played images of him kissing him, them cuddling, sharing the bed. He felt the warmth spread over him as he thought about Dean. He smiled to himself who knew a human could have such a profound impact on another.


	6. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during Dean Days Afternoon.

It had been a few days since Castiel’s stay at the hospital. He had pretty much gotten over his ordeal with the flu. He had been helping the Winchesters organize the bunker files and documents, and categorize items. He also had been enjoying a lot of Netflix and games on his phone that Sam got for him. Sam had even gotten several novels for him to read. Castiel was well aware that they were trying to foster a sense of independence. Yes, Castiel was human now and he had to admit he was a bit clingy to the brothers at times (especially Dean) but he really didn’t know how else to act.

            He walked into the library and Sam was talking to Dean about something.

            “What about Cas?” Dean asked. He looked up at his brother in worry. “I mean you think it’s cool to just leave him here.”

            “Leave me here?” Castiel asked. He tilted his head. Were they planning on leaving?

            Sam looked at him and smiled. “I uh, found us a case. A taxidermist was broken in half. Listen we’ve been hanging around the bunker for a while now but it’s time for us to get back out there and… do our job.”

            Castiel felt a stab of guilt in his heart. “I understand.” He whispered. “You two are hunters and you have to protect humanity…” He sighed. “What about the angels?”

            Dean patted him on the back. “We’ll deal with them. Don’t worry about it. You just keep a lookout for any lore that might help us.”

            “Why can’t I come with you?” He asked

            “You know why.” Dean frowned. “Your angel bait. If you get out there they might find you.”

            He pointed at his side. “But I’m warded.”

            “I’m not taking any chances. Plus you just got over the flu.”

            “This hunt sounds dangerous. Are you sure you don’t want any help?”

            Dean nodded. He got up from his chair. “Trust me, Cas, we got this.”

            The Winchesters then made sure Castiel had everything he needed. They left within the hour leaving Castiel alone.

            Castiel let out a heavy sigh. He was sitting in the library. He had a novel, Dean’s laptop, and his phone but he felt alone. So completely alone. His heart was heavy. He did not like this at all. He chewed on his lip and played with the end of his shirt sleeve. He was useless. He could see it now. They didn’t want him on a hunt. He failed at hunting as an angel why would they want a human who can barely understand the concept of being a human. He found a movie on Netflix and turned it on. He watched but really wasn’t watching it. He worried about them and about Dean mostly. He wanted to help no he needed to help them. His phone beeped and he looked to see he had a text from Dean telling him that they made it to the town where the hunt was. He answered him back and went back to his movie that he was only half watching. He eventually gave up he had no idea what was going on anymore. He hoped that watching TV and movies would help him understand how to be human but he was soon losing hope in that. No matter what he saw he felt their behavior was odd. He had tried to replicate it with mixed results. Dean had told him he came off as weird more than a couple of times.

            He shut the laptop and got up. He half considered leaving the bunker but he had promised Dean he would stay. He decided to get back to organizing the files. He walked down into the file room. He picked up a box and opened it when he heard.

            “Who’s out there?”

            He stiffened up. That voice? It was Crowley. He had no idea that he was in the dungeon. He sat the box down quietly and considered leaving the room.

            “Moose? No, it can’t be doesn’t sound tall enough. Now squirrel would have said something by now and I know Kevin,” He laughed. “Went running home so whose left?”

            Castiel moved closer to the shelf. Part of him told him to run and the other half told him to check it out. He reached up to the hidden door and stopped.

            “Feathers. I bet it’s feathers.”

            Castiel opened the hidden door and looked in. Crowley was chained to a table that was on a devil’s trap. “Crowley.” He said flatly. He stared at the former King Of Hell.

            “Been a while, Castiel. How have you been?” He studied him and smirked. “Don’t seem to be so righteous these days. What happened?”

            He let out a low growl and kept his eyes on him. “Why are you here?”

            He held up his arms to show the chains. “I’m a prisoner. I reckon your boys thought it would be a good idea. Where’s your halo?”

            “I, uh,” He looked away. Shame crept up on him. It was at this moment he realized now this demon just looked like a regular person. He no longer could see the dark deformed face of the demon. Now demons would look like people to him.

            Crowley laughed. “You’re human now?” He laughed louder

            He walked forward and slammed his hands on the table to scare Crowley. “Enough!”

            He looked at him still snickering. “Well, well, temper, temper young Castiel. Well, guess you’re not really all that young.” He smirked. “How did it happen? Was it when the angels fell?”

            “How do you know about that?”

            “I overheard Sam and Dean talking about it. Missed the Castiel is human part though. So how did it happen?”

            He frowned. Crowley was a sly devil he didn’t trust him with any information but the demon was chained up.

            “I’m curious, Cas, it’s awfully lonely down here by myself.” He flashed him a grin. “Bet you’re lonely too. Moose and squirrel left you alone didn’t they.”

            He sighed. “I was tricked by Metatron. He used my grace to cause the angels to fall.”

            “Well, that’s rude. I am sorry to hear that.”

            He tilted his head. Crowley was different somehow. More human. He had remembered Sam had tried to cure him. Maybe he was affected by it. “Thank you.” He said hesitantly

            He nodded. “Of course, after all, we were partners once.”

            Castiel’s phone rang and he almost leaped out of his skin. Talking to Crowley felt wrong like he was going behind Sam and Dean’s back. He looked at the screen and saw it was Dean. He looked at Crowley. “I uh, have to get this.”

            He smiled a wicked smile. “Give him a big kiss for me.”

            Castiel stepped out of the dungeon and let the door shut. He walked out in the hall then answered his phone. “Hello, Dean.”

            “What took you so long?” Dean asked his voice with a hint of annoyance

            “I was in the bathroom.” He lied as he looked back at the dungeon doors.

            “Oh, hope everything came out okay. So anyway, I need you to look for a spell for us.”

            “What type of spell?”

            “I need to be able to talk to this dog or at least know what he’s thinking?”

            He frowned. “Why do you want to talk to a dog?”

            He sighed. “He was a witness at both crime scenes and… well, he was barking at this hat so I think he was trying to tell me something.”

            “Maybe he doesn’t like hats.”

            Castiel was pretty sure he heard Dean roll his eyes. “Cas, honey, I need a spell, please. The sooner I get it the sooner we can stop this and come home.”

            “Okay, I’ll look and call you back.” He hung up the phone. The tingling feeling set in after Dean called him honey. He smiled. He liked that he called him that. He walked into the library and found the Men of Letters archive of spells. He flipped through it until he found the spell he needed. “Mind Meld. This sounds like it will work.” He called them back and gave them the ingredients. He hung up the phone again and looked at the book. He chewed his lip and started walking. Next thing he knew, he was back in the dungeon.

            “Did you miss me?” Crowley asked as he walked in

            Castiel would hate himself if he admitted it but he wanted no he needed someone to talk to and sadly Crowley was the only living thing in the bunker. Sure the Winchesters had given him a list of people to call in an emergency but that was for problems not to chat. “I…” He felt ashamed. Why did he come back in here? He sat down in the chair across from Crowley. “I wanted to talk.”

            Crowley laughed. “Really? You came in here for a social call. They are going to have your head for this you know. They’ve been isolating me for about a week and a half.” He smiled. “Or did they send you in here to bore me to death?”

            The former angel sighed. “I am sorry. Perhaps this isn’t a good idea.” He stood up to leave the book was on the table.

            “Did you tell them about the side effects?”

            He looked down at him. “Side effects?”

            He snickered. “Expect a call in about ten minutes.”

            Castiel headed to the door.

            “Oh and if you decide that you want to chat bring me some good scotch and a book. It’s boring sitting here staring at the walls.”

            He ignored him and left the dungeon again. He put the book back after he read over it. There were side effects when the person mind melded they became the animal they melded with. He sighed and made a note to read the whole spell page next time. Sure enough, ten minutes later he got a phone call from Sam.

            “Cas, Dean is acting like a dog. What’s with the spell?”

            “It uh, has a side effect. Apparently, you become like the animal you mind meld with.”

            He overheard Sam tell Dean that and Dean yelled a few curse words.

            “Sam, how angry is Dean?”

            “I’d say you need to get him flowers but since he’s a dog a can of Alpo.”

            Castiel heard Dean yell at Sam to shut up. “Okay, uh, what’s an Alpo?”

            “Dog food and that was a joke, Cas. I wish you could see this he was playing fetch and barking at the mailman. He looked insane.”

            Castiel couldn’t help but laugh. “Tell him if he behaves himself I will give him a belly rub later.”

            “Uh, okay.” Sam sounded uncomfortable and he hung up.

            Castiel put away his phone and looked at the minibar. He let out an annoyed huff as he poured two glasses of scotch. He knew he should not talk to Crowley. He knew it was wrong he was taking a risk but he was so lonely he would do anything for someone to talk to. Sam and Dean where on a hunt it wasn’t like he could just sit and talk with them he told himself as he picked up the glasses. He headed into the dungeon glasses in hand. The demon looked up at him and gave a sneering smile and Castiel immediately regretted his decision.

            “Well, well, feathers, I see that you brought me a little something.” Crowley jested as Castiel sat down his glass in front of him. “Now where’s my book?”

            The ex-angel frowned. “Didn’t grab one.” He sat down across from him and took a sip of his drink. It burned the back of his throat. He frowned at it and tried not to gag. Hard liquor was evidently not his thing.

            “So how did the boys take the uh, side effects of the spell?”

            “Dean apparently was playing fetch and barking at the mailman.” He stated with a smile. He honestly would have loved to have seen that.

            “I’m curious why aren’t you on this little hunting trip with the boys?” His voice dripped with venom. Castiel half considered not answering but Crowley continued talking. “You would think they would want you around.” He smirked. “Did you anger your little pet humans? Well, I guess they aren’t your pets anymore are they, feathers?”

            He downed his drink. The burning sensation went down his throat and filled his stomach. “They are not my pets. Dean is… Dean is my boyfriend.” The words slid out before he could stop them. He clapped his hands over his mouth. Oh no, he shouldn’t have come back in here.

            “Boyfriend? So you two made it official, have you? I thought you stared at him awfully intently.” He sipped on his drink. “Bet the boys upstairs will have your head over that.” He smirked again. “Though I can imagine that that is why you are here with me instead of on an adventure with your boy toy and his moose brother. Angels are pissed at you.” He took another drink. “Seems like you’re as much as a prisoner as I am.”

            “I’m not a prisoner. I can leave at any time I just choose to stay here.”

            He nodded. “Well, if that’s the case then why don’t you leave?”

            “Dean would be upset.” His head felt fuzzy.

            “And you always do what Dean asks of you.” He finished his drink and slid the empty tumbler to Castiel. “And that is your problem. You don’t think for yourself. You let others manipulate you.” He leaned in. “Maybe you should try thinking for yourself for once. Instead of letting Dean tell you what to do.”

            Anger flashed through Castiel. He stood up so fast the chair he was sitting in flipped over. “How dare you speak to me like that? I am an Angel of the Lord and I will not let a demon talk down to me!”

            He grinned an evil grin one full of malice. “No you’re not, Castiel, you are a regular everyday human. You’re weak and useless. I bet that is why your favorite human left you alone while he went on a hunt.”

            He grabbed the tumblers and marched out of the room. “It was a mistake talking to you.” He muttered to himself as he walked out of the door.

            “Call me sometime. I have all the time in the world after all.”

            The former angel ignored him and stumbled out of the room. He was having a hard time walking. He looked at the tumblers and left them on a shelf. He’d get them later. He laughed to himself. One drink and he was already drunk. Way different than when he was an angel and it took a whole store (and a large one at that) to get him drunk.

            He stumbled out of the storage room and started down the hall. His phone rang again and he looked at the ID and answered. “Dean! How are you, baby? Do you need something?” His words were slurred he couldn’t hide that he was drunk.

            “Cas, are you drunk?” Dean asked. He sounded irritated.

            “Yes, yes, I am.”

            “Why are you drunk?”

            “I was… sad and lonely I had a drink and I…” He sighed he swayed and leaned up against the wall. “I talked to Crowley.”

            There was silence on the other end of the line. Castiel waited for a beat before he finally asked. “Dean, are you still there?”

            “You talked to Crowley?” Dean asked. His voice rose and Castiel felt nervous. “The same Crowley you wanted your head after the botched purgatory deal?”

            “Well, he’s the only one I know of so,”

            “Damnit, Cas!” He heard murmuring on the line. He assumed Dean was telling Sam what he had told him.

            “I am sorry, I,”

            He cut him off. “Why in the world would you go and talk to him?”

            “I was lonely.” He cried out. The words hung heavy in the air between the two of them. “Okay, Dean, I was lonely.” He slid down the wall and sat on the floor. “I wanted someone anyone to talk to. I don’t like this I’ve been used to having a connection to another being.”

            “I know, Cas,” Dean said softly. “I’m sorry. I know it sucks.”

            “It does I… I know I made a mistake.”

            “He has the ability to get under people’s skin but as long as you are okay.”

            “I am fine, Dean.”

            “I’m not happy about it.” He admitted. “I was calling to tell you we will be home first thing in the morning. We are going to get this dog a home then drive back.”

            “Not going to keep the dog?” He noted the sad tone in Dean’s voice

            “Our life is no life for a pet.” He sighed. “I know with you being there alone… a pet might be nice but this is no life for a pet.”

            “Dean, can I go on the next hunt with you?” He asked. His head was still fuzzy as soon as he asked he frowned to himself.

            “Cas,” Dean started. There was a pause he heard murmuring then Dean said. “Fine, Cas, after all, you are a hunter in training.”

            “Thank you, Dean.”

            “Now get some sleep sweetheart. Me and Sam will be home before you know it and you’ll be wishing we were out of your hair.”

            He chuckled. “Okay, goodnight, Dean.”

            “Goodnight, Cas.”

            He hung up the phone and got back up. His legs were still wobbly and he was still angry at Crowley. He wandered into his room put his phone on charge and flopped on his bed without changing into his sleepwear. Sleep took him rather quickly for once as he closed his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

            Castiel woke up the next day with a pounding headache and a very dry mouth. He licked his lips and rolled out of bed. He looked down at his clothes he had forgotten he had gone straight to bed without getting changed. He tried to stand up but his head pounded in protest. He let out a groan as he managed to get himself to stand up. He caught an image of himself in the mirror. He looked terrible, his eyes were slightly red, the bags under his eyes were far more pronounced than usual, his hair looked like a nest for small animals and his clothes were rumpled. He let out a sigh and pulled at his clothes. He debated if he wanted to take a shower or not when he heard the faint sounds of life in the bunker. Dean and Sam were home now. He smiled. He could see his hunter again. His heart did a little flip and he collected a new set of clothes. He had to look good for Dean. He did not understand why they were already dating but he felt a need to look his best for him. He headed to the shower and got clean despite his protesting headache. He got dressed and made his way to the kitchen area.

            “So, what are we going to do?” Sam asked

            Castiel paused down the hall and listened.

            “I don’t like it. I don’t think it’s safe.” Dean said

            “But Dean, we can’t just leave him here 24/7. It’s not fair to Cas.”

            “What about the angels?” Dean said his voice was raised. It sounded like he thumped his hand on the table. “He’d be a sitting duck out there.”

            Sam sighed. “We can always go with him.”

            “But we can’t watch him all the time, Sam.”

            “Well, we can’t leave him here all the time. Plus you already told him you’d take him hunting.”

            Dean sighed. “Yeah and I regret it.”

            Castiel made a noise to let his presence known. He smiled at the brothers but his heart ached. Dean was worried about him and he had a right to be. The angels; his former family they were after him. That had been confirmed. “Good morning.” He stated and got himself a cup of coffee and sat down.

            “Morning, Cas,” Dean said. He looked over at Sam who looked back at him. Castiel had a feeling about how this was about to go.

            “Listen we’ve been talking,” Sam started

            Castiel sighed. “I overheard.” He looked at Dean. “You don’t want me to leave the bunker.” He was starting to feel like a prisoner. He narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend in challenge.

            “Don’t give me that look.” Dean huffed

            “Guys stop.” Sam jumped in to end the fight before it escalated. “Cas, I understand you feel lonely. I know that you want to go on hunts but,”

            “I can defend myself.” Castiel huffed. “I may be a human but I did not forget how to wield an angel blade.”

            Dean ran his hand over his mouth. “Yeah, well it won’t do you much good if one of those bastards decides to smite you.”

            “I am warded, Dean,” Castiel felt his temper rise. Even as an angel his frustration level was fairly low but as a human, he realized it was more obvious. He glared daggers at his boyfriend. “You can’t keep me in here like an animal.”

            Dean went to say something and Sam stopped him. “Enough,” Sam said. “Both of you there’s no reason to fight, okay.” Sam sighed and finished off his coffee. “Cas, I know you want to go on hunts with us and… what I think we should do is let him.” He looked at Dean he frowned at him. “Now before you say anything, Dean, Cas needs to learn how to interact with other humans. We talked about it yesterday if there comes a time that he has to interact with someone without us he needs to be able to do it. We need to prepare him.”

            Dean let out a growl. “But it’s not safe. A whole damn army of angels can come down on him.” He glared at his coffee cup. “Cas, I’m not doing it to be mean I… I care about you, man. I don’t want some winged dick taking you from me.”

            “Dean,” Castiel said softly. He reached out and took his hunter’s hands. “It’s okay.”

            “It’s not.” He looked over at Sam. “You are right. We can’t just… leave him in here.”

            Sam nodded. “First small hunt that comes up we take it. Even if it’s a little lead we go.”

            Dean ran his fingers over Castiel’s knuckles. “I’ll teach you how to shoot a gun.”

            “I don’t need to.” Castiel protested

            “You do. There may come a time when you don’t have the angel blade so we need to prepare.”

            He nodded. “Fine, Dean.”

            Sam smiled at the two of them. “I’m going to look online and see if anything interesting pops up on the news.” He got up from the table and headed into the library area.

            Castiel took a swig of his coffee. “My headache is easing up.” He sighed and rubbed his temple. Though the fight didn’t help much it was easing up. “I think I had a small hangover.”

            “Hangovers suck and usually they aren’t small.” He looked to the door that Sam walked out of. “Sorry about… you know, me being a jerk.”

            “I understand, Dean,” He sighed. “If I was in your position I would feel the same.”

            “Yeah, and if I was the one stuck in the bunker I’d probably get desperate enough to talk to the King of Hell.” Dean reached into his pocket and hesitated. “I had a dream last night…” He looked into his eyes. His green eyes were full of pain and Castiel felt his heartache he wanted to hold and comfort Dean promise him the moon and whatever else he wanted. “I had a dream that the angels got you… that’s why I was so upset. It kept running through my mind over and over you being dead and there was nothing I could do about it.”

            “Dean, I am sorry. I’m sorry I am causing you such distress.”

            He shook his head. “No, don’t be. I have dreams like that from time to time. This one got me thinking.” He pulled his hand out his pocket. “I understand why you felt alone though and why you wanted to hunt with us. I was worried you would get hurt on a hunt but… anyways I wanted to give you something so you won’t feel so alone. Give me your hand.”

            Castiel held out his hand and felt Dean slide on a cool metal object. He looked at his hand and saw it was a silver ring. “Dean? Isn’t it customary to give a person a ring when they become serious?”

            Dean laughed. “No, it’s not an engagement ring, Cas. I used to wear that ring and well I thought you could get better use out of it.” He took his hand. “When you feel alone I want you to look at that ring and know that I am thinking of you, okay.”

            He smiled. “Dean, I love it.” He leaned in and captured the hunter’s lips with his. He wrapped his hands around the back of Dean’s head and carded his fingers through the short hairs on the base of Dean’s hair. He let out a content moan and Dean let out one as well. He licked his lips and Castiel opened his mouth to let Dean’s tongue in. The kiss was interrupted by a cough.

            “Um, guys.” Sam said.

            The two broke apart. Castiel looked at Sam who was blushing brightly. “Yes, Sam?”

            “I found a case.” He set down his laptop on the table and showed the story to them. “About four people have gone missing in this town. Nobody, no notes, no nothing, they just up and poof gone.”

            “Sounds like a case for us.” Dean said with a nod. “Any clues as to what we might be dealing with?”

            “No just that a lot of people have disappeared in a short amount of time.”

            “Okay, let’s pack up and get ready.” Dean announced.

            The brothers kept a go bag packed as a hunt could be dropped on their laps at a moment’s notice. They usually had to swap out clothes for clean ones but they kept a lot in there so they were usually ready. Castiel had to pack; Dena helped him with that process explaining how they sometimes used laundry mats to wash clothes before coming home so they had clean underwear. Castiel knew about a laundry mat. He had left his trench coat at one. He frowned at that memory when he first experienced thirst and overwhelming one. It was painful and terrible. He never wanted to feel that way again. The bags were packed and loaded into the Impala.

            The trip was a few hours away. They stopped for gas and snacks along the way and kept going. They discussed random things and the two of them coached Castiel on firing a gun and how to not sound so weird when talking to another human. Castiel absorbed much of the conversation. They arrive in the town soon enough. It’s a small community one that if people go missing someone would have noticed it.

Dean eased the Impala into a small shopping area that had a few stores, a tiny convenience store, and a little motel. “Okay, Cas, get us a room.”

“What are you two doing?” Castiel asked as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

“We are going to go talk to the local PD and see what they know.” Dean said

“I can come with you.” Castiel suggested

“Oh no, we are going to work you up to talking to the police. You got to work on those people skills.”

He sighed. He remembered when he was first learning how to hunt. How awkward he came off, how hard it was to ask questions to the cops. Dean did have a point. He shook his head defeated and got out of the car.

“See if anyone around here knows anything.” Sam said. He pointed at the stores. “Small town and all they probably know something. We’ll be back shortly.”

The Impala rumbled out of sight, Castiel rubbed the ring on his finger. Unease was sitting in. He looked at the motel and sighed. This did involve talking to people something he wasn’t good at. He had failed at hunting before because of that and ended up healing the injured in order to make amends for what he had done.

He walked up to the motel and into the small reception area. There was no one around but a bell that said ‘ring for service’ He gave the bell a thump and waited when no one arrived he hit again and an agitated voice called.

“I’m coming! Stop hitting the bell!” A rather large woman walked out of the back area with a cigarette in her hands. She glared at Castiel and went. “What?”

He flinched. Given how abrasive she was he wondered how much business this place actually got. “Um, I am here to get a room.” He pulled out his wallet and got out the credit card that the Winchesters gave him. “I need one for… three.”

She rolled her eyes and snatched the card out his hand. She put her cigarette in her mouth and groaned. “We don’t have a three-bed room. Two or one?”

“Umm two I guess.” It looked like one of them was sleeping on the couch or on the floor.

She typed in the information and swiped the card. She handed it back to him and didn’t even ask for identification much to Castiel’s surprise. She grabbed a key off the back and handed it to him. “Room 102, it’s near the ice machine.”

“Umm thanks…” He took the key. “Do you by any chance know anything about the missing people?”

She took a drag of her cigarette and put it out in the ashtray. “Why you care?” She asked as she snorted smoke out of her nose which made Castiel think of a cartoon bull.

He pulled out his fake FBI badge. “Agent Gaga, FBI me and my partners are working the case. The police called us in.”

She looked at the badge but didn’t read it. “Gaga?” She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well one of them was my receptionist. He was a good kid. I own this hell hole but I usually clean rooms and keep an eye on the books. He did this touchy feely crap like helping out tourists find good restaurants.”

“Anything weird happen before he vanished?” He asked. He felt confident he didn’t expect this to go so well already.

She shrugged. “He wasn’t all that weird. Just nice, he went to church every Sunday and Wednesday night. Did Bible study and all that.” She pulled out another cigarette and lit it. “Actually,” She took a drag. “He did start watching a video online… some Buddy Boyle guy I don’t know I think that was his name. I walked in here one day and…well, I think it was the day he went missing. He was weird… his face was blank and his voice flat and he told me he had to leave. We are in the offseason so I let him go home thinking he was just sick. Then I got a call from his momma saying he never came home and… well, no one knows where he went.”

Castiel made note of it. He had a sneaking suspicion in his gut he knew what was going on. The boy had become a vessel for an angel. He thanked the woman and left the motel lobby. He headed to their room and checked it out. He needed to call the Winchesters. He walked in the room it was very clean, that woman may have been rude but she kept the place clean. He pulled out his phone and dialed Dean.

“Cas?” Dean greeted

“Dean, I think I know what is going on. These people the missing… they have become vessels.” He told Dean the story that the woman told him. Dean put him on speaker so Sam could hear too.

“Buddy Boyle? Wonder who he is?” Dean asked

“Not sure, I’m going to check with the other store owners and see what they know.” Castiel said

“Okay, we are at the police station. We’ll ask about this Boyle guy too.” Dean said and hung up the phone

Castiel rubbed the ring again. He felt alone after he hung up the phone. He wondered if his feelings were normal. He understood that he had an attachment to Dean, he had one since he raised him from perdition but… this was different. His heart was heavy whenever Dean wasn’t around.

He left the motel room and headed down the strip of stores that was nearby. He walked into a diner and the smell of the food made his stomach growl. He told himself they would probably eat once they were done asking questions he knew Dean was not one to pass up food. He walked up to the counter and the man behind the counter frowned at him.

“Sit anywhere, buddy.”

“No,” He showed him his FBI badge. “I’m agent Gaga; I have some questions for you.”

The man rolled his eyes. “Listen, I’m not answering questions for some fake FBI guy.” He waved him off.

He frowned. No, he couldn’t disappoint Dean. “I uh, have anyone that works here gone missing? The lady at the motel said one of her workers went missing.”

The guy looked at him. His beady eyes focused on him, he let out a sigh and tossed his towel on the counter. “Yeah, actually my best waitress she went missing yesterday.”

“Did anything change about her? Any odd behaviors like… speaking in a strange language or making a high pitch noise?”

He frowned. “No, what’s with these questions?”

“Did she follow a man named Buddy Boyle?”

He chewed on his lip. “Actually, yeah, she started watching his podcasts. She wasn’t much on religion but after she had a near death experience after a car crash she started getting into it and… come to think of it… she had him on and she said he wanted her to let the angels in… whatever that means. She didn’t come in the next day after that.” He picked up his towel. “I figured she joined a cult.”

He shook his head. “No, far worse than joining a cult.” He turned and left the diner. He hit the other stores some reported similar stories. He made it into an old clothing store and spotted a tan trench coat that was much like his old one. He looked at it and smiled. He felt silly having an attachment to a piece of clothes but he missed it. He grabbed it and put it on. He smiled again as he took it off. He had money he could buy it. He walked up to the register and got the coat. The young woman behind the counter had a video playing. He looked at it and asked. “What is the video?”

She smiled as she told him the total. “Buddy Boyle Going for Glory Hour, I missed church the last few days so I’m making up for lost time.”

He listened to it for a minute and took his coat. He put it on and refused a bag. He heard the person say to let angels in if they asked he looked at the young woman. “Don’t be a vessel for an angel.” He stated.

He walked away from her. His mind was swimming it seemed this Boyle character was either an angel himself or working for one. He felt a nagging feeling in his gut. This was odd; he knew his brothers and sisters none of them cared enough for one another to help them find vessels so why were they doing this? He chewed his lip. It was like… someone was gathering an army. He shuttered suddenly feeling alone he went to rub his ring when he realized it was gone. He gasped and checked it was gone. He looked around his feet, panic rose up he had just gotten the thing he couldn’t have lost something so precious. He walked back into the store and looked around the floor for his ring. He figured he fell off when he tried the coat. He found it lying on the ground and he reached for it when he heard.

“Castiel.”

He jerked his head up to see the woman standing there. He stared at her and she at him. “Angelica?” He recognized the angel

She smirked. “The human didn’t listen to you.” Her angel blade dropped in her hand. “There are some people who want to ask you some questions.”

He looked at the blade and dropped his own in his hand. “Don’t make me do this. I do not want to hurt you.” He looked at her blade than at her. “I know Earth is a scary place but I can help you work through it, I have friends they can help.”

She rolled her eyes. “The Winchesters I assume.”

He nodded. “Sam and Dean can help they helped me. I can show you freedom and,”

“Stop your nonsense.” She pointed her blade at him. “We are soldiers, Castiel; I know you have forgotten that.” She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter I have my orders you are to be killed.” She came at him blade swinging mad. She got a good hit on his shoulder and slashed at his chest but the cuts were shallow. She looked at him. “No grace. You’re human now?” She asked

He looked at the blade that was caked in his blood. His chest stung. She was distracted his heart heavy he made a strike and plunged his blade deep in her chest. She let out a scream and filled the store with light before she hit the ground. Her wings burnt on the ground. Castiel felt sick as he looked down at the fallen angel. He staggered towards the back hoping to find a first aid kit. He dug around his blood seeped through his fingers. He felt sick and he gagged. Bile came up and he spat on the floor. He killed one his own again. The pain was unbearable. He didn’t want to harm his family. He wanted to help them and they wanted him dead. Tears stung his eyes as he opened the first aid kit.

“Cas!” He heard Dean shout

“Dean?” He called back. He felt weak he wanted to give up

Sam and Dean came running into the back room.

“What happened?” Sam asked

Dean looked at Castiel panic flashed through his eyes as he grabbed gauze and started to patch up Castiel.

“She was… I came in earlier and got a coat… she was one of the followers of the Boyle person, I lost my ring and I came back and she… had become a vessel. She attacked me.” Castiel said

Dean looked at him his green eyes full of pity and worry. “See this is why I didn’t want you to come on a hunt!”

Castiel hung his head. “I am sorry I…” He felt sick again. Everything hurt physically and emotionally. He felt something in his hand and he looked up to see Sam place his ring in his hand.

“Here, Dean, do what you can we got to go before someone calls the cops.” Sam said

The two of them gathered up the kit and Castiel and went back to the motel. It was far enough away to not arouse too much suspicion.

            Castiel was placed on a bed. He was still sore and emotionally torn raw. He watched as Dean started to clean his wounds. “I am sorry.” He cried over and over again. “If I hadn’t gone in there… if I hadn’t lost my ring… if I…”

            Dean placed a finger on his lips. “Stop, beating yourself up won’t solve anything.”

            He looked at him as he pulled his finger away. “But you are angry at me.”

            “Not angry at you. I am angry that this has happened.” He finished the last of the bandages. “I wasn’t there to protect you, Cas, you could have died and then… how do you think I would have felt? I left you here alone because… because I thought you would be safe I wasn’t expecting this town to be an angel breeding ground.”

            “We don’t breed.” Castiel said flatly

            He glared at him. “You know what I mean.” He left his side and went to talk to Sam

            Castiel felt beat. Dean was right he could have died he killed Angelica to survive but… was there any way he could reason with the angels? He stared at his hands and at the ring that had caused him to go back. His heart was heavy he had a feeling that they were forming an army. That would explain what was going on. He listened to the brothers debate what to do next. He watched them fear was hitting him hard. He now was realizing not only was him being out of the bunker putting himself in danger he was putting them in danger as well. He wrung his hands and stared at the floor. This really was a bad idea. He felt a soft hand pat him on the back and he looked up to see Dean standing there.

            “Listen, we are going to get some sleep then we are going to take off. Sam’s going to put up angel sigils since this place is a hotbed of angels.” Dean smiled fondly then licked his lips. A blush crept up on him. “Umm… would it be okay with you if we shared a bed?”

            He looked up at Dean and titled his head. “I guess.” He was unsure why it made Dean so uncomfortable. He lay down he was very tired and it was getting a little late.

            Dean set an alarm for the wee hours of the morning; he kicked off his boots and lay down beside Castiel. He lay on his side and stared into Castiel’s eyes and he blushed again.

            “Don’t do anything… weird.” Sam stated as he turned off the lights and went to bed himself.

            Dean rolled his eyes but was still facing Castiel. “How do you want to do this?”

            He blinked. “I don’t know. I have never shared a bed with you in this matter. Other than when I was sick and we watched a movie.”

            He chewed on his lip and lay on his back. He put his arm around Castiel’s shoulder and pulled him in which caused the former angel to rest his head on his chest. He rubbed his back and kissed the top of his head. “Goodnight, Cas.” He whispered.

            Castiel listened to the hunter’s breathing even out as he went to sleep. Castiel felt safe in his arms but he questioned if they were truly safe. He felt uneasy as he watched him sleep. He was putting them at risk; he had to do something about it. He had brought down a plague on the Earth when the angels fell and now many people were losing their lives. Beforehand, not many angels would walk the Earth not even during the Apocalypse. Now the entire host was on Earth and that increased the chances of him getting killed and putting the Winchesters in harm’s way. He laid there in waited eventually Dean let go of him and rolled over. With Dean away, Castiel made his next move. He quietly climbed out of bed. He leaned in and gave Dean a soft kiss on the forehead. “I love you, Dean.” He said. He slipped out of the door after giving them both a fond glance.

            He crossed the parking lot and spotted an older model car. Dean had shown him how to hotwire a car and older cars were easier to steal than newer ones. He got in the door which was unlocked and found the keys in the seat. He considered himself lucky and started the car. He looked back at the motel and sighed. He had to do this to keep them safe. He started driving and the motel slowly vanished in his rearview mirror. His heart heavy he rubbed the ring on his finger. “Sorry.” He said to himself. He had to do something anything to protect his family.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story done jumped up and took a life of its own lol. This was not what I had planned but hey here it is.

            Dean Winchester rolled over on his side in the bed. He let out a content sigh and reached out to stroke the cheek of his beloved. However, he found that no one was lying beside him. His eyes snapped open to see that Castiel was gone. He sat up and wondered if Cas had gotten up to use the bathroom or something. “Cas,” He called out softly. It was the wee hours of the morning. He and Sam planned on leaving town early before anything else happened. No one answered. He got out of bed and called out louder. “Cas?” He heard Sam grumble and roll over in his bed; that kid could sleep through anything. Dean walked up to the bathroom and knocked. Nothing, no answer no nothing. He froze. “Sammy, Sammy, wake up!” He shouted as he started to grab up his stuff and shove it in the bag.

            “What is it?” Sam asked. He rose up and rubbed his eyes he looked groggy.

            “Cas is gone.”

            He blinked then he looked at Dean. “Gone?”

            “Yeah gone as not here, Sam!” Dean snapped. He was worried; what if something had happened to Cas? What if the angels got him? He lifted up the phone and searched through his contacts until he found Castiel. He pressed it and the phone started ringing. He half expected to hear the phone in the motel room or for Cas not to answer but soon the phone clicked on. “Cas?” He asked

            “Hello, Dean,”

            Frustration hit Dean like a ton of bricks. How dare Cas just answer with a ‘hello Dean’ like nothing was wrong. “Don’t hello me! Where the hell are you?” He shouted into the phone.

            “I am away.”

            “Yeah, I can see that, Cas,” Dean heard the clatter of dishes. Cas was at a restaurant. “Why?” It was a simple question he had to know why; why did he leave?

            “It was the only way I could keep you two safe.” Castiel sighed. He sounded so defeated and worn down. It broke Dean’s heart. “I realized last night… I would be devastated if anything happened to you or Sam and the only way you can stay safe is if I go.”

            “Cas, no,” Dean started. He felt Sam’s hand on his shoulder in an attempt to offer comfort. “Please, don’t, Cas, just come back and we’ll figure something out.” He tapped his foot on the floor. “Kevin is working on the angel tablet we can get those winged bastards back in heaven and everything will be fine.”

            Castiel sighed. “We don’t even know if it can be reversed, Dean. This is… it’s hard for me too. It hurts when I am away from you but it will hurt more if one of them kills you.”

            Dean felt those words stab his heart. “Cas,” His voice shook. Sam’s grip tightened on his shoulder. “Please, Cas,” He sounded like he was begging and he hated himself for it. “Even if you are a beacon for the angels I’d rather have you by my side than you running around out there alone.”

            The other line was quiet for a beat and then Castiel let out a wet sigh. Dean knew he was crying and he couldn’t help him. “I am sorry, Dean. It is for the best. I will solve this angel thing myself and,”

            “Cas, they will kill you!” He protested

            “If they do then at least you are safe.”

            Dean heard the phone click after that. He tried to call him again but Castiel sent his calls right to voicemail. He looked up at Sam. “We got to find him before he does something stupid.”

            Sam nodded. “I’ll track his phone.” He stated and went to his laptop.

            Dean nodded and headed out of the motel. He doubted Cas got a cab and he doubted a town this small had a bus that ran late at night. He eyed the cars and stopped at a vacant spot. He stared at it. He remembered a large gold Lincoln was sitting there. It was pretty hard not to notice. He chewed on his lips in thought; what if Cas took the Lincoln? He went back into the motel room. “I think Cas stole a gold Lincoln. I noticed it yesterday and it’s not there now.”

            Sam nodded. “Yeah, I just found a reported stolen car and well sounds like that one. I tracked his phone. He’s in the next town over at a diner on main street.” He closed his laptop.

            “Well, let’s go.”

            “Wait, Dean,” Sam said and Dena shot him a hateful look. “What if, what if Cas is right? Maybe we should be apart.”

            He glared at him. “Oh, now you think that? Yesterday you wanted him to be out there hunting with us now you want to keep us apart!”

            He sighed. “Dean, look I’m not saying it to be mean but… look what happened yesterday. That angel almost killed him,”

            “We need to protect him, Sam!”

            “What if we can’t, Dean? Can you deal with that?”

            He narrowed his eyes at his brother. “What are you getting at, Sam? Are you suggesting we just leave Cas out there by himself to get killed because you think I can’t handle it?”

            He shook his head. “No, but if we can get him to come back with us and that’s a big if; you’ll spending your whole time looking over your shoulder and worrying about some angel dropping in and killing him.”

            “I don’t care. I can’t just leave him out there alone I…” His heart wrenched and he sat down. Sam was right just because they had Cas with them didn’t decrease the target on his back. He being with them put them all in danger. Hell no matter where Cas went the people around him was in danger. What sort of life was that? But it was so painful to be away from Cas. He missed his gruff voice, his head tilt, and his gorgeous blue eyes. He wanted to kiss Cas and hold him at night and whisper promises for the morning. He wanted to show Cas everything that was great about being human. Awesome food, sights, sounds, and eventually sex. He crossed his arms across his chest. But what could they do really?

            “Sam, I don’t know what to do.” His heart wrenched. “I love him.” He ran his hands over his face. “I love him so much but…” He sobbed he hated showing his emotions. His father had taught him men didn’t cry. He had to be tough for his family; he couldn’t let Sam know he was hurting that’s what he told himself always. But those barriers were shattered. He felt Sam rest his hand on his shoulder. “We have to get him, Sam.” He sobbed softly. “It hurts… it hurts when he’s gone. I can’t… I hate when he’s gone I always have and this is worse… I can’t willingly let him be alone. I won’t be able to function knowing that he’s out there by himself.”

            Sam nodded. “Okay, Dean, we’ll go get him.”

            The two of them got in the Impala and started to the diner. On the way, Sam called Kevin to see if he had gotten anything from the tablet yet. Dean sighed softly and wished they would find Castiel.

 

&&&

            Castiel felt horrible. He set his phone down on the table. He had been trying to eat the waffles in front of him but his depression was becoming overwhelming. He just wanted to lie down and give up. A small part of his brain wanted to find an angel and ask them just to end it all. He sighed and poked at the waffles. He sensed someone standing beside him and looked over to see the waitress filling up his coffee cup.

            “Must have been one hell of a break-up.” She said as she filled the cup.

            “Excuse me?”

            “Last time I saw a man that sad he had gone through a rough break up.” She smiled. “She must have been some woman.”

            He gave a faint smile. “He was some man.” He picked up his coffee. “We didn’t break up. I left to protect him and his brother.”

            She raised an eyebrow. “I won’t ask anymore. Just don’t bring the cops down on us.”

            “No, no law enforcement just angels.”

            She blinked then walked off.

            Castiel returned to trying to eat his waffles. He had to get back on the road soon before the stolen car got noticed. He took a bite when suddenly someone sat across from him. He looked forward to see a dark haired woman sitting there.

            “Hello, Castiel.” She said flatly. “My name is Hannah.”

            He set his fork down on the plate and frowned at her. “I do not wish to fight you. This is a rather nice establishment and I would rather not tarnish it.”

            “I have no interest in fighting.” She stared at his empty plate. Her face wrinkled up in disgust. “You are eating.” She more stated than asked.

            He nodded. “Humans have a tendency to do that.” He responded flatly as he sipped his coffee.

            She frowned. “You are human? I had no idea, when did this happen?”

            He sat down his coffee cup. “Metatron, he took my grace in order to cast out the angels.”

            “Then the rumors they aren’t true. You did not help Metatron do this?”

            “Not willingly. I was tricked.” He sighed. “Hannah, why are you here? Surely it’s not to chat.” He figured all the angels would be afraid of him since he seemed to have a target on his back. Perhaps Hannah was different maybe she was one of the few who was more interested in helping humanity than killing each one another.

            “I am trying to understand what has happened. Castiel, many of our kind died in the fall and yet so many of us are killing each other over who is to rule heaven now. I do not believe this is right. We need to return to heaven and continue our duty it is our job.” She looked down at the table. “I do not feel right being here. This is not our home.”

            “So, you think I can help you get the angels back in heaven?”

            She gave a nod. “I had heard that you had caused the fall. I did not believe it but you are also the angel that went against orders.”

            “I assure you, my intentions were to lock us in heaven until we sorted out the mess up there; the mess I started when I began the war.” He sighed. “It is truly my fault if I had left everything alone.”

            “But if you had then the Apocalypse would have begun again. We both know this.” She hung her head down. “There’s got to be more of us out there that have no interest in this war. They have no business leading us they will just cause more chaos. We should not be fighting amongst ourselves we have to look after humanity.”

            “What exactly are you asking of me, Hannah?”

            She sighed. “I want your help. I want your help finding other outlying angels who do not desire to continue this war, help me return us to heaven and help me lead them. You have lead many armies and even during the civil war. You are far more experienced at it than I am.”

            He chuckled it was a lifeless one. “No one will follow me. I am a lousy leader plus I am a human now.” He went to get up. “I must keep going,”

            She cut him off. “Please, Castiel,” She stood up. “What if we can find a way to restore your grace so you can be an angel again?”

            He frowned. “What if I have no interest in that?” He questioned. He did miss being an angel at times. These overwhelming human emotions got to him at times, eating was necessary, sleeping, and the worse thing using the bathroom. But then if he became human what of his relationship with Dean.

            She frowned. “Why would you wish to remain human?” She shook her head. “Is it true then?”

            “Is what true?”

            “That you care about the Winchesters more than your fellow angels?”

            He sighed. It had been a touchy subject in heaven. Rebelling and starting a war had led to many, many rumors about him. Balthazar had told him some of them and he had often received nasty comments from his brothers and sisters when he left heaven. He chose the Winchesters they would say. Sometimes those times he was meeting with Crowley he could only imagine if word got out about that; how bad things would be; angels a majority of them looked down at humans. If they actually found out that he was in a relationship with one. They had rules against it in heaven though it was to prevent Nephilim. He had wondered since his vessel was male and would be unable to make a baby with Dena would their relationship be allowed. “I,”

            She shook her head. “Castiel, I wish you luck. If you decide that you will help me then call I will listen.” She walked out of the diner and left him stumped.

            He looked around and headed out of the diner. It was as he suspected if she was uncomfortable with him being close to the humans then what about the other angels. He walked up to his car and pulled the keys out of his pocket. He wondered what would happen if the angels found out their rumors where true that he loved Dean. He remembered the rumors going around some of the angels even refused to side with him saying he was a human lover. He shook his head.

            “Castiel.”

            He turned to see two large men standing there. “Who,” He didn’t finish the question as angel blades dropped in their hands. He dropped his in his hand. He struck first but they blocked him. One of the men hit him in the back and knocked him down. He hit the pavement with a thud his body rang out in pain. He looked up and them and one of them grabbed his arms and started to drag him into an alley. Did they mean to kill him? He struggled but they were stronger than him. The one dragging him hoisted him up and tossed him into some trash cans. Pain echoed through his back as he hit the ground. “Please, I do not want to fight you.”

            They had their blades. One pointed at him and said. “Where is Metatron?” He demanded.

            “I do not know.” He answered. The angel cut at his flesh and he screamed. They asked more questions and kept cutting him even hitting already sore wounds. The physical pain was unbearable he almost wished they would end it. He made a silent prayer to Hannah maybe she would help. He looked up at them as blood dripped into his eyes making them sting.

            “Where is he?”

            “I don’t,” His words died when he heard.

            “Hey! Leave him alone!” He recognized that voice anywhere it was Dean.

            “Dean!” Castiel cried out. A mixture of fear and elation hit him.

            The bigger angels let him go. He hit the ground with a thud.

            “Winchester,” The angel mocked

            Dean glared at them. “Leave him the hell alone.”

            The angel laughed. “Or what?” He lunged at Dean. Castiel screamed out. Dean jumped away from the attack but the other angel slashed at him. The blade cut at Dean and the hunter hissed in pain. Castiel stood up his vision blurry he went after one of the angels and plunged his blade deep in his vessel. The angel screamed and flashed with light before he hit the ground. Dean smiled at him. “Good job,” The other angel went after Dean again. Dean dodged but wasn’t so lucky this time; his foot caught the trash can and he fell.     

            “Dean!” Castiel shouted. The angel stabbed Dean, Castiel screamed out in anger and fear and he dove the angel blade in the angel. He pushed the dead vessel out of the way and knelt down to Dean.

            Dean had his hand on the injury the angel blade was still sticking out of it. It was in his chest. Castiel did not know if it hit his lung. Dean coughed and wheezed. “Damn angels.” He cursed. He looked up at Castiel and smiled. “I saved you.”

            Castiel looked at him and shook his head. “But you got stabbed. This is all because of me.” He placed his hand on the blade and wondered if he should remove it. “Where is Sam?”

            “He’s following another lead.” Dean wheezed.

            Castiel knew he should not be breathing like that. He watched as the hunter’s face grew pale. “No, no, please don’t Dean don’t die!” He cried. He didn’t know what to do. He reached for his phone and pulled it out. It had gotten shattered in the melee. He looked for Dean’s. If only he could heal then he could heal him and be done. But no he was human now unable to heal his love.

            Dean grabbed his wrist. “Too late for 911 I think.” He wheezed and smiled at him his mouth full of blood. “Cas, I am glad I got to see you… one last time.” His grip grew weak.

            “No, Dean please don’t.”

            “Castiel… I love you.”

            He started to sob. Grief filled him. How could he continue life without Dean? “Dean, I love you too.” He sobbed louder when he noticed someone standing beside him.

            Hannah stood there looking down at them. She reached down and pulled the blade out of Dean with one hand and laid the other on his forehead. Castiel watched as the injuries vanished off of Dean. “There, I healed him.” She looked at Castiel. “Sorry I could not get here in time to stop it.” She reached out and laid her hand on Castiel’s forehead.

            He felt his wounds close up and blood vanish as the tingling of the grace filled his body. “Hannah, thank you.” He said. His eyes were still wet with tears.

            She gave a nod and looked at Dean. “I do not understand it. My vessel thinks this is a sweet gesture.” She stood up she looked at Castiel. “My offer still stands, Castiel. I would like to end this before there is more needless bloodshed.” She walked off before Castiel had a chance to process what happened.

            Castiel looked at Dean and flung his arms around him. He sobbed in his chest. “I thought for sure you were dead.”

            Dean carded his hand through Castiel’s hair. “I did too, Cas.” He said. His voice was trembling Castiel could tell he was on the verge of tears. Dean pulled Castiel’s face to his and placed a long kiss on his lips. The two of them held each other in the dirty alleyway while they both waited to calm down. Dean helped the former angel up on his feet. “Cas, what was that about with that woman?”

            He took Dean’s hand. “I think we need to talk and discuss what to do.” Dean nodded and they started to walk to the Impala. Yes, now was the time to talk. No more running away from the issue at hand. Castiel decided. He was going to tell Dean about the angels, the war and what Hannah wanted and then he would make a decision about what to do.


	9. Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of smut in this chapter. Its at the end if some of you want to avoid it.

 

            Castiel had been around Dean Winchester long enough to tell when he was angry. The hunter had a tendency to clench his jaw and narrow his eyes when he was upset. As Castiel sat next to Dean in the Impala he could tell; the man was angry very angry.

            “She wants you to do what?” Dean growled at him

            He sighed. He had explained Hannah’s desire for him to help her with the angels. “She wants me to help lead the angels… she thinks that I can do it and wants to restore my grace somehow.” Castiel noticed how Dean flinched at the words ‘restore grace’. “What exactly is bothering you, Dean?”

            “First of all, she’s a freaking angel!” Dean shouted.

            Castiel was amazed that Dean could be angry and keep the car on the road. “Dean, did you forget I am also an angel… or at least I was one.”

            Dean rolled his eyes. “Cas, the angels are trying to kill you. What if this is their plan or Metatron’s to get you to side with them so they can shank you easier.”

            “She had plenty of opportunities today but did not even attempt to kill me. Plus she saved your life.” He wrapped his arms around himself. The imagines of Dean nearly dying in his arms was too much to bear. He knew he was going to be seeing that for a long time when he closed his eyes.

            “Yeah, well, what if she did it just to get you to you know believe her.”

            He sighed. “That is a possibility but I do not feel that she is trying to trick me.”

            “No offense, Cas, but you aren’t exactly a good decision maker.” Dean snapped

            He narrowed his eyes. He felt the stab of those words. He knew Dean would throw things in people’s faces when he was upset with them. He had done it to him before and heard him do it to Sam before. “You are questioning my decision-making skills? Do remember I decided on pursuing a relationship with you.”

            Dean shot him a dirty look. “So, that’s your decision then?” He asked but it was more of a demand. “You’re just going to go back to the heaven squad and leave me?”

            Castiel looked at him. He could see tears in the corners of Dean’s eyes. “Dean,” He started with caution. “Are you crying?” Dean didn’t answer his question he eased the car to the side of the road. Castiel had a brief flash of fear, what if Dean threw him out of the car? “Dean, I am sorry I did not mean to upset you.”

            Dean tightened his grip on his steering wheel. He looked over at Castiel the tears were now flowing down his face. Dean’s expression was a mixture of pain, anguish, and fear. “So you’re going to leave me.”

            The former angel swallowed. He had realized that Dean had issues with abandonment. He had observed it a few times when he and Sam had fought. “No,” He said as he tried to make his voice sound reassuring. “I will never leave you, Dean. At least not by my own accord.”

            He looked away. “You will though.” He muttered then he looked at him. “You go back to team angel and that’s it. No more you and me!”

            “Dean, are you saying you will break up with me if I become an angel again?” Those words hurt. Like being stabbed over and over again.

            He shook his head. “No, you… you won’t love me anymore.” He ran his hands over his face. “Cas, I remember what Anna told me. Angels don’t feel emotions. You guys don’t like them. So once you become an angel again that will be it. You won’t love me. I’ll be just some human to you again. Everything will change; you won’t want to get intimate, we won’t be able to enjoy food together, and hell we won’t even get to sleep together.”

            Castiel felt a flash of anger. He glared at Dean the human he had come to love. “You think I would not love you anymore? Dean, I fell for you. I gave up everything for you! Or did you forget that? Are those not acts of love?” He huffed his chest feeling heavy. He felt tears in his eyes. “I gave up so much for you! And what do I get in return nothing! You never thanked me for it you just treated me like some tool. You belittled me when I was weak and now what you decided you’d rather have me as a human, why? Why do you want that? You have expressed time and time again you just see me as a useful thing to have around.”

            Dean looked physically hurt. “I know I know I was a dick to you.” He started to reach out to him but stopped. “I shouldn’t have said what I said nor did what I did. I… listen when you were gone when I thought I would never see you again when you walked in that lake it changed something in me. I’m sorry for what I had said to you in the past. I just… I like what we have become I don’t want to change it.” His voice softened. “It’s… the thought of being with an angel seems weird to me.”

            Castiel gave a nod. “There are rules in heaven about not lying with a human. However, I haven’t been following heaven’s rules for a while.”

            He smirked. “So even as an angel,”

            “My feelings will not change I assure. This experience of being a human has changed me in ways I cannot fully understand. It has been very educational.” He reached out to Dean and took his hand. “I will remain your boyfriend no matter what happens.”

            There was a pause and then Dean asked. “Why do you want to help them?”

            “It is my fault that they are on Earth. I was hoping they would find appreciation for their situation much like I learned to love humanity and Earth. However, it seems that is not the case. I would rather not risk my father’s best creations with angry angels looking to continue a war that shouldn’t have started in the first place.” He sighed. “I just I feel guilty about it. I tried to show them free will then everything fell apart. I started a war and killed most of them, and then I let Metatron use my grace to bring them down from heaven.”

            “Cas, who cares about them? They aren’t family me and Sam are.”

            “I know that but I am incredibly old. I have always and will be an angel I just… almost hope they will forgive me if I help them get back to heaven.”

            Dean shook his head. “Most likely they will kill you.”

            Those words hung heavy in the air. Castiel breathed in deeply. “Even so, I can’t leave them to run around. They are hurting innocent people and it is my fault. I need to redeem myself.”

            Dean shifted the car into drive and got the car back on the road. They drove in silence until they reached the motel that Sam and Dean were staying at.

            They got out of the car and Dean leaned on the roof and stared at Castiel. “That’s your decision then you are going to help them?”

            Castiel sighed. He had weighed over all his options and helping them seemed like the best one. If he got them off Earth then they wouldn’t be having a war here. Though Dean was right, there was a very good chance they could kill him. But perhaps Hannah had a point maybe he was meant to lead them. He licked his lips and looked at Dean. “Yes, even if it might be a foolhardy mission. I will help them.”

            Dean gave a nod then gestured to the room. “Alright, let’s go in.”

            He raised an eyebrow and followed him in. “Dean, I,” Words were lost as Dean crashed his lips to his own. The kiss was rough and needy as if Dean was making up for the lost time and soon to be lost time. He broke the kiss when they needed air. “Dean?” He asked his voice sounding rougher than usual.

            He looked into his eyes and smiled. His green eyes seemed darker almost like they were full of lust. Castiel felt his cock twitch. “Remember back in the Apocalypse I told you I wasn’t going to let you die a virgin?”

            Castiel felt his face grow hot. He looked at Dean who smiled at him. “Dean, do you,” Dean kissed him again and Castiel wrapped his arms around his shoulders. He took in his lips with a hungry kiss full of need, of want, and desire. “Dean,” He groaned

            “I love it when you say my name.” Dean breathed. He moved him away from the door.

            Castiel grabbed him and pushed him against the wall and kissed him. He wanted Dean he wanted this so bad he felt like his body might explode before they got done. He knew about sexual desire. He had experienced it when he became human when he first laid eyes on Dean that day and his time in the shower with his thoughts. He stopped the kiss and looked into Dean’s green eyes. “Technically I already died as one since I died twice although that one time was before your grand idea to take me the den of iniquity.”

            Dean rolled his eyes. “Don’t ruin the mood I’m trying to set.” He kissed him again and they made their way over to the bed.

            “What about Sam?” Castiel managed to ask in between kisses.

            “I texted him a code word so he knows to ugh find something to get into for a while.”

            “You have a code word for that?”

            He shrugged. “We are men, Cas, with needs we try to work around it. When Sam was soulless I walked in on him and yeah it’s not so fun to be on the other side of that.”

            Castiel laughed. “So I assume Sam has ‘walked in’ on you before?”

            He nodded and kissed Castiel along his neck softly. “Yeah, and I figure if he walked in on us that might kill him.”

            He smiled and kissed Dean along his neck in return. He ran his hand under Dean’s shirt. “I am not sure what I am doing.” He confessed as if Dean wouldn’t know that.

            “I know.” He said his lips pressed against his neck. “Just follow your instincts.”

            “My instincts tell me to take your shirt off.” He breathed. His body felt warm.

            Dean gave a nod and Castiel removed his shirt and Dean in return took his off. They kissed each other exploring their bodies. Castiel had never felt so alive. His body felt like it was burning like a candle. He was hot all over, his blood pumped through his body it made it hard for him to think. The only thought that kept going in his mind was that Dean was making him feel this way. As an angel, he had felt that sex was boring but experiencing it was amazing. If he had realized that this was what it felt like he would have done it sooner. He grabbed onto Dean and pushed him onto the bed which gave a groan of protest. He looked down at the hunter pinned under him who just smiled at him. “Is, is this okay?” He asked his voice shaky. His breath quickened as his blood seemed to rush and pound into his veins.

            Dean grinned at him a devious grin. “Hell yeah.” He kissed him and reached down to his pants. He looked into his eyes. “Are you okay with this, Cas?”

            Castiel blinked. Was he okay? He was pretty sure if he didn’t do something he would explode. He nodded and grabbed Dean’s pants. Clothing was gone in a flash. He covered Dean’s body in kisses almost like worship. He wanted this so bad. “Dean, I need, I need.” He whined.

            “I know, baby.” Dean responded

            Castiel was a shaky mess. Dean got prepared and coached him through the process. Castiel could only think about Dean and what was about to happen. He had given into hedonism. He needed this. He pinned Dean against the bed and covered him with kisses again. Dean guided him to his lube slicked hole and gave a nod. Castiel buried himself deep into Dean he watched his face for notes of pain. “Can I?” He asked. He almost didn’t recognize his own lust filled voice.

            Dean shook his head. “Give me a minute.” He breathed.

            He wasn’t sure he could hold on a minute. He waited for Dean to give the go-ahead before he pulled back out and thrust back in. Their bodies rocked and soon Castiel found his rhythm. “Dean,” His moans wonton. Oh, why had he waited for so long? He tilted his head back and let out a few more shaky moans.

            “Cas, uh, Cas.” Dean let out a breathy moan in response

            Castiel felt his balls tighten. He looked down at Dean’s whose eyes were closed in pure ecstasy. “Dean, I think- I’m,” He felt a coiling in his stomach. He closed his eyes and it was like fireworks went off behind the lids. He let out a long groan as his orgasm finished. He panted, as he cock pulsed. It was over, finished. He looked down at Dean who looked up at him with a satisfied grin he was breathing heavy as well. He pulled out and collapsed beside him his body weak from the climax. “Dean, that was.”

            “Incredible.” Dean whispered. He rolled over and pulled Castiel up against him. “I’m glad we… you know.”

            He looked into his eyes. “Me too… Dean was it okay?”

            Dean laughed and kissed him on the cheek. It wasn’t a sexy kiss or one full of want it was a simple delicate one. “Better than okay.”

            “I feel tired. Is that normal?”

            He laughed again. “Yes, Cas.” He pulled him close. Bare chest flush with bare chest. “Sleep okay.”

            He nuzzled his head against his shoulder and let the after sex sleep take over. The problems about the angels forgotten it was now just him and Dean and it felt like it was the only thing that mattered.


	10. Missing You

Castiel woke up when the sunlight hit his face. He slowly opened his eyes taking in the warmth on his skin from the sun. He felt heaviness on his chest. He slowly looked down to see Dean had his head against his chest. His short brown hair tickled his nose. Castiel took in a deep breath and inhaled Dean’s scent. Last night had been the single greatest thing he had ever done with the human. He ran his hands along Dean’s back. The hunter stirred some but nuzzled his head more into Castiel’s body. The former angel smiled and continued to stroke Dean’s back as the other man slept.

            “Cas?” Dean mumbled. He slowly raised his head up. His green eyes clouded in sleep.

            Castiel had a fleeting fear of Dean waking up and regretting the previous night’s events but his fears were put to rest the moment the other man pressed his lips to his.

            “Morning, baby.” He mumbled and rested his head on his shoulder.

            “Good morning, Dean.” Castiel said. He patted his back and Dean let out a content sigh.

            “I was worried how you would act in the morning.” Dean confessed. He raised his head and looked into Castiel’s eyes. “I was scared you would wake up and hate me or yourself for what happened. I mean… I know you’re a fairly recent human and have needs I just,”

            “Dean,” He placed his hand on his lover’s chin. “I assure you, Dean, what happened between us were not simply born from my human desire for sex.”

            He chuckled. “Leave it to you to make sex sound less sexy.”

            He smirked. “You were complaining last night.”

            He laughed and rolled off of Castiel and let out a yawn. “Dude, I need some coffee or something.” He got out of bed and stretched.

            Castiel watched the naked body of Dean stretched before him and felt a stirring in his crotch. He took in a breath Dean was a beautiful piece of humanity.

            “Like what you see?” Dean asked as he gathered up his clothes.

            “Always, Dean.” He made his way out of bed.

            “Come on let’s take a shower and get some coffee and,” He looked at Castiel.

            “I can’t make Hannah wait forever.” Castiel reminded him as he picked up his clothes.

            He sighed. “I was afraid of that.” He nodded to the bathroom. “Let’s take a shower though okay?”

            Castiel nodded. He spotted his bag lying on the floor. He smirked. In his rush, the last time they were together he had forgotten his stuff but at least Dean remembered to bring them along. He got new clothes and followed Dean into the bathroom. He felt uneasy then he felt stupid for feeling that way. They already had sex the most intimate thing two humans could do why would taking a shower make him uncomfortable.

            Dean turned on the water and waited. He stuck his hand under the shower head. “Okay should be good and warm.” He looked back at Castiel. “Though this would be better back at home.” He smirked.

            Castiel gave a smile. “When I return the first thing we can do is take a shower together.”

            He chuckled. “I bet that’ll freak out Sam.” He stepped in the shower and Castiel followed.

            The former angel thought showers to be strange but he defiantly felt like he needed it. He felt the evidence from the previous night’s activities wash off. He felt Dean tap his shoulder and he looked at him.

            “I uh, want to wash your hair.”

            He raised an eyebrow. It seemed weird to him but if Dean wanted to do it then sure. He tilted his head down and felt the glob of shampoo hit his head. Soon, Dean’s long fingers worked expertly into his scalp. Castiel let out a content moan.

            Dean laughed. “Enjoying this, Cas?”

            He gave a nod and let Dean get to work on cleaning him. The touch and feel of Dean was very enjoyable. Dean messaged him while he washed off the dirt. Castiel felt like putty in Dean’s hands. His ministrations were enjoyable and left his body feeling tingly. Water washed over him and he realized that Dean was done cleaning him. He blinked a few times and stared at his boyfriend. “You want me to clean you?” He asked his voice sounding rough. His mind in honesty had floated off in thoughts of other things he wanted to do with Dean but he figured he would offer.

            Dean handed him the washcloth. “If you want.”

            Castiel worked at cleaning off his boyfriend’s body. He scrubbed his hair and worked his way down. He listened to the sounds that Dean made and he felt a flash of joy. He realized that he was bringing another form of pleasure to his love. Dean enjoyed this as much as he did. He wondered if anyone had ever done this for Dean before. He knew that Dean typically would sleep with whatever woman caught his interest. He probably didn’t take the time to get pampered like this probably a quick sex session and that was it.

            “Cas, you keep that up and we are going to have to get clean again.”

            Castiel apologized and rinsed Dean off with water. The two of them got out of the shower, dried off, and then got dressed. He stared at Dean’s thinner frame as he got dressed. “Dean,” Castiel started.

            He looked at him and pulled his shirt over his head. “Yeah?”

            “Um, have you ever… done something like that before?” He nodded to the shower as he started to button his shirt.

            Dean let out a sigh. He walked over and slapped Castiel’s hands away and started to button his shirt for him. “Been pampered like that?”

            He nodded.

            “No,” He blushed. “Usually you know, I would do the pampering and you know… the only long term relationship I ever had was with Lisa.” He ran his hand down Castiel’s shirt and smoothed it out. “She wasn’t much on doing stuff in the shower. She was convinced Ben would walk in on us.”

            Castiel smiled. “Dean, if you want things like that just let me know.” He wrapped his arms around his hunter. “I may be new to this relationship thing but I will do what I can to make you happy.” He nuzzled his chin on top of Dean’s head and breathed in the fresh smell of his shampoo. Though Castiel knew his head smelled like Dean’s shampoo as well it smelled good.

            They held each other for what felt like forever neither wanted to let go. Dean let out a shaky breath and Castiel wondered if he was crying. “Cas, do you have to help them? Can’t you just stay with me and Sammy?”

            “Dean,” Castiel pulled away and cupped his face to make Dean look into his eyes. “This is no different than your compulsion to help your kind. You and Sam work so hard to save the world a thankless task I might add. I want to help my kind. I’ll be back before you know it.”

            “What if we help you?”

            “I doubt they will let you, Dean.” He shook his head. “They are going to be upset enough once they realize we have had relations.”

            He blushed. “Can angels tell that?”

            He shrugged. “I mean they already thought we had consummated our relationship before.”

            He blinked. “Wait a minute, the angel squad already thought you played the ol’ in-out with me before?”

            “Yes,” They walked out of the bathroom and he made a small prayer to Hannah to let her know he was ready. “There were so many rumors about you and me. Some angels were curious about you and some were angry with me.” He crossed his arms.

            “Because of the human and angel thing?”

            He nodded. “That rule came to be when some of my brothers and sisters created Nephilim. But since my vessel is male we cannot make a Nephilim so I do not see it being a problem. As I said before, I stopped following heaven’s rules so why stop there.” He grabbed Dean and gave him a rough kiss. “I contacted Hannah. I want some coffee and food before I leave.”

            Dean sighed. “You won’t want food anymore either.” He murmured

            He looked at his lover and his heart broke some. Dean really and truly wanted him to stay human. He chewed on his lower lip. He was conflicted. If he stayed human he would be weak and useless and die in a few decades but as an angel, he could protect Dean and fight better by his side. That insistent in the alley made him realize that. Without his angelic powers, he was weak and useless. He felt Dean take his hand and he followed him out of the motel. There was a diner across the street from where they were staying. Castiel wondered what his best course of action was. He had to return the angels to heaven, get the gates open, and stop Metatron.

            They walked into the diner and Sam was already waiting for them. He had a cup of coffee in his hand and he gave them an all-knowing and yet shy smile.

            “Good morning, Sammy.” Dean said a little too chipper as he sat down.

            Castiel sat beside him and Sam looked at both of them his face growing redder by the moment. “Does the fact that me and your brother had sex last night bother you?”

            Sam almost choked on his coffee and Dean lightly kicked his ankle under the table. “Geez, Cas, don’t hold anything back.” Dean said sarcastically

            Castiel opened his mouth to speak again but closed it before he spoke again. “I am sorry, Sam if mine and Dean’s relationship makes you uncomfortable.”

            He shook his head. “No, I am happy for Dean.”

            They ate and drank their coffee. Castiel explained his plans to help Hannah and the other angels to Sam. Sam didn’t comment on it he simply looked over at Dean with a look of sympathy. Castiel felt a tug of guilt at his heart, was he really making the right decision?

            They returned to the motel to find Hannah waiting for them. She stood by the room door with her arms crossed. She stared at Castiel before she looked over at the Winchesters.

            “Castiel, are you ready?” She asked

            Dean glared at her. “So, how do you plan on making Cas an angel again?”

            She looked at him then at Castiel.

            “You can tell them, Hannah, they are most trusted friends.” Castiel said. He was about fifty percent sure he heard Dean murmur something about being more than friends but he didn’t say anything about it.

            “I have this,” She pulled out a small bottle with a swirling glowing substance in it. Castiel knew it was grace. “I got it from… a source.” She held it out to Castiel. “It was a lot of hard work to get it but I managed.”

            Castiel took it. He looked over at Dean whose eyes were filling with tears. He placed the grace in his pocket and pulled Dean in for a hug. The hunter almost broke in his arms. “I promise you, Dean, I will return. I’m not going to leave you ever.” He buried his head in his shoulder. He ran his hands up and down Dean’s back. “I promise you, I love you, Dean. I will always love you.”       

            Dean looked up at him and captured his lips. They kissed and held each other not caring who saw them. Dean finally broke the kiss and looked at Hannah. “Anything happens to him I will freaking kill you.”

            She blinked and nodded in response.

            Castiel knew she was probably more annoyed with Dean threatening her but if the Winchester reputation had made it to heaven then she knew Dean was not kidding. Castiel opened the lid of the bottled grace and inhaled the light as it entered in. He felt his body warm up in response to the grace. It swirled within him and coursed through his veins along with his vessels blood. He felt complete. He sighed to himself he enjoyed being human but he had been an angel for over millennia it was hard to suddenly lose it all.

            Dean looked at him and flinched most likely Castiel’s eyes had light up. “Cas, you good?”

            “I feel complete, Dean.” He noticed the disappointed look on the hunter’s face. He grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him in for a long hard wet kiss. “See,” He looked into his eyes. “My feelings for you are still the same.”

            He blushed. “I uh see that.” He smirked and looked over at Hannah. “Five seconds into getting back into the heaven squad and you already breaking rules.”

            He shrugged. “I am the rebel.” He stepped away from Dean. “I have to go. I am sorry. But I will text you and call you.” He took Dean’s hand and kissed it.

            Walking away from Dean was harder than he expected. His body ached with want. He wanted to go back to Dean, sweep him up, and make love to him the rest of the day. He walked up to his car and got in and Hannah got in the passenger side. They drove off; he kept looking up at the rearview mirror at Dean until the man was out of his view.

            Hannah looked over at him. “Your human mate will be okay.” She rested her hand on him in reassurance

            Castiel gave her a polite nod and smile. Angels weren’t supposed to feel emotions but he knew the longer they were in a vessel the more they felt. He assumed this was what was happening to Hannah. He looked at her and sighed. “If I decide I want to go back to being human can you take my grace?”

            She frowned a disapproving frown. “If you have a desire to return to being a human then yes I can do it.”

            He nodded. “Good.” He stated. “So, where are we going?”

            She gave him an address and he started driving. The sooner he helped the angels the sooner he could return home to his beloved Dean. He reassured himself. He knew Dean waited for him with open arms and soon he could return home and bury himself in those arms.


	11. Love and Belonging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those who have read, left kudos, and made book marks.  
> This is the last chapter (Psst wee bit of sex in it)

Time passed as Castiel worked with Hannah and other angels to send the rest back home. They managed to stop the rogue angels that were starting the war, they caught Metatron and sent him to heaven’s prison, and the most difficult part was convincing their brothers and sisters to return to heaven. Some agreed with open arms and joy at being able to return home. Some, however, regarded Castiel as a hypocrite. Castiel heard it over and over from those who wanted to stay. “Why should I go when he is going to stay?” Castiel flinched and frowned every time he heard it. Rumors of his human lover spread quickly once he returned to the fold. He felt like most of the conversations on angel radio were about him and his beloved Dean. The angels would snicker at one another some stated that they had known all along of his lover and others talked as though Castiel’s leadership was less valuable since he took on a human lover. Some even went so far and imply that he should be locked away and or executed. Castiel flinched when angel radio kicked on again. He wanted to disconnect himself from it again but he was afraid he would miss something of value. The leftover angels seemed to assume that he and Hannah wouldn’t listen that they couldn’t figure out where they were but they were wrong.

            _Did hear that Castiel is trying to rule heaven?_

_Yeah, I knew he was working with Metatron_

_He has a human lover. That’s so nasty. How can he let that thing touch him?_

Castiel turned off angel radio. His heart ached. He missed Dean and his so-called family was rejecting him. All of them treated him differently other than Hannah. She didn’t seem to be too bothered by his love for Dean but she was defiantly more focused on the task at hand than anything.

            She looked over at Castiel; no doubt still listening in. She gave him a smile of pity. “They are our last ones.” She crossed her arms. “Then we can return to heaven.” Her tone and posture spoke volumes. She wanted to know what his plans were. “We need a leader, Castiel.”

            He shook his head. “No, I will not lead us. I am a terrible leader. I know that now.”

            “You lead us through this ordeal.”

            “With your help, Hannah.” He sighed. “I am not a leader.”

            “You sell yourself short, Castiel.”

            “Hannah, they will not let me lead.” He frowned. “Even if I wanted to; it is clear that they do not approve of my… ‘love life’.”

            She raised her eyebrow. “Then that is what you will be doing? You will be returning home to your Winchesters?”

            He stood there in thought. He was an angel but he knew in his heart he did not belong with the Host. He had fallen to protect the Winchesters, he chose them. No, he chose Dean. All those years ago he fell for Dean. The longer he stayed with the man the more his love grew he just didn’t realize what it was. He looked back at it in thought and knew it was love. Dean had the most beautiful soul he had ever seen, Dean had rejected him at first, but Dean cared for him in such a way it was almost painful. Castiel knew now looking back at it that Dean had felt the same he was just scared of the consequences. Castiel was scared of them now. To turn his back on heaven again and to lay with Dean did put the human at risk. What if his own kind decided to end him? He put his life in his hands the moment he agreed to help Hannah. They both knew this; Castiel risked his life to help his fellow angels and for what? So they could call him names over angel radio? He reached up to his chest where his grace fluttered. The sad part was he knew that this was how it would turn out. They would reject him. He was always the rebel and rule following angels didn’t understand it. After he broke his brainwashing, he remembered everything he had done that he couldn’t remember. He was always the little rule breaker. He smirked to himself. He never fit in not with them. He was too human now. He had gone native as Dean put it. The years with them and then being a human for all that time had changed him. His eyes were open now. He knew love, wanted love, most of all he wanted to belong. He looked at Hannah and she nodded.

            “Do you want me to extract your grace?” She lifted up her angel blade. She looked at him; fear was in her eyes. They had discussed this before, she could take his grace and make him human again but there was a chance she could kill him by accident. Grace extraction was difficult and often painful.

            He was unsure of what to do. He was too human to be angel and too an angel to be human. He was like a strange hybrid now. He didn’t feel like he belonged with either one of them. He wanted to be with Dean he knew that much and Dean wanted to be with him. He frowned as he remembered the pained look on Dean’s face when he took in his grace. On the other hand, if the angels decided that Castiel needed to go or worse they decided to harm Dean to get even then he would need his powers. He shook his head. “No, I’ll keep my grace.” Those words were heavy in the air. He chose to stay the thing that Dean regarded as ‘dicks’. The thing that Castiel had thought Dean hated and only liked him when he was useful until recently.

            “Are you sure?”

            He nodded. “Yes, I am sure.” He looked up at the sky. “I might need my powers. They are useful to the Winchesters.”

            She gave a nod. “Alright, if you change your mind just send a prayer.” She patted his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. She smiled at him a warm smile. “I will see you later hopefully.” She left him.

            Castiel sighed. He decided it was time to return home. To his real home, not heaven. Heaven was not home for him anymore. He walked over to his car and started it. His body craved Dean. It had been so long since he touched him he felt like he might actually explode the next time he saw him.

 

            It took a long while to drive to the Bunker. Given the fact that Castiel didn’t have to sleep, he was able to drive all night. He made it back home in the early morning hours. Yes, home. The bunker was his home. Dean was his home. He got out of the car and walked into the main part of the Bunker. The door gave a creak and a thud of protest as he walked in. There was Dean; he was sitting at the war room table. He looked exhausted.

            Dean looked up at him. “Cas?” He asked. He stood up and looked at him. He looked as though he was questioning what he was looking at.

            “Hello, Dean.”

            He started to cry. He ran across the room and grabbed up Castiel in a tight hug. “Cas, I missed you so much.”

            He ran his hand through Dean’s hair to soothe him. “I am back, baby.”

            Dean looked at him and captured his lips with his own. They kissed, mouths opened and tongues battled for dominance in each other’s mouths. Moans and groans left their bodies. They wrapped further into each other. They kissed to make up for lost time, kissed to make the world feel whole, feel complete. Dean finally broke the kiss panting. “Need to breathe.”

            Castiel nuzzled his nose against Dean’s neck. He breathed in his scent. The scent he had missed the whole time he was gone.

            He rubbed his chin against Castiel as he nuzzled him. “You’re still an angel?”

            He nodded. “Yes, how did you tell?”

            “Kiss was tingly.” He sighed a content sigh. “A small part of me wanted you to I don’t know become human again.”

            “I had considered it.”

            “Why didn’t you?”

            “Because with my powers I can protect you and heal you. I don’t ever want a repeat like that time in the alley. I don’t want to hold you while your life drains out.”

            Dean nodded. “I was… I was being selfish.”

            Castiel pulled away and looked at him. He tilted his head. “Selfish?”

            He chuckled. “I was I wanted you to be human because I thought, well, you know that I thought you wouldn’t want this anymore.”

            “That might have been the case before. I have grown and changed as a person, Dean. I feel love, I want love. I want to see you happy.”

            He smiled. “I love you too, Cas.” He chewed his lip. “What about… when I die?”

            “Then I will follow you to heaven.”

            “That’s kind of romantic, Cas.”

            “I try, Dean.” He wrapped his arms around him again. Lost in his touch he wanted more. He rubbed his chin along Dean’s neck and kissed him along his jawline.

            “Mm, Cas, you’re giving me all sorts of ideas.”

            “That’s the plan, baby.” He whispered in his ear.

            Dean looked at him and grinned. “Want to continue this in my room?”

            Castiel nodded possibly a bit too eager. He felt his excitement boiling. He could not wait. He took Dean by the hand and they walked to his room. The door shut and Castiel pressed Dean against the wall and started to cover him with kisses. “I love you, Dean. I love you so much.” He had given up everything for this man. He rebelled against heaven, opened Purgatory so he could be strong enough to prevent the Apocalypse, died and was brought back several times, he knew no matter what the two of them was destined to be together. His heart pounded in his chest. Even as an angel he wanted Dean. He never wanted someone so bad. His body went on autopilot as clothes were all but torn off one another.

            “I love you, Cas.” Dean stated as they sunk onto the bed together.

            Castiel placed open mouth kisses down Dean’s chest.

            Dean tugged his head back up to his face and kissed him.

            He panted and rutted against him. He was full of want and desire. He lost himself in Dean’s kiss. His body acted on its own. Castiel felt waves of pleasure fill him. “Love you.” He panted into Dean’s mouth. He grabbed at his short hair to angel Dean’s lips up so he can invade his mouth with his tongue. He felt the familiar coiling sensation in his stomach. His grace burned through his body as his release hit. He felt waves of pleasure washed over him. He panted and let out a content sigh. He looked into Dean’s face as a blissful expression washed over him. “Sorry.” He murmured in his ear. He wanted to make love to him for hours but the excitement took hold of him too soon.

            “We got plenty of time, baby.” He kissed his ear then his cheek. “We got there so it’s fine.”

            Castiel looked down and used his grace to clean the mess.

            “Neat trick.” Dean sighed with a laugh

            “Bonuses of dating an angel, no more cleaning up.” He winked at Dean. He rolled off of him and took his hand as he lay beside him. He looked at their joined hands the ring that Dean gave him sparkled. Castiel kissed Dean on the cheek. He leaned over him and grabbed up his trench coat.

            “Leaving already? I was hoping I could sleep some in your arms. I know you don’t sleep but,”

            He cut off Dean with a kiss on the lips. “No, I have something for you.” He pulled the coat across to him and dug in the pocket.

            “I hope it’s not the coat. That’s more your thing than mine.”

            He rolled his eyes. He pulled out the small vial on a chain. He held it out to Dean. “Here.”

            Dean took it and stared at it. He noticed a few tendrils of light like liquid spun around. “What is this?”

            “It’s a little bit of my grace.” He snuggled up to Dean’s arm. “I didn’t take it all in when Hannah gave it to me and I wanted you to have it.”

            Dean looked at him his eyebrow raised. “Really? Don’t you need this?”

            He shook his head. “Grace recovers over time. I won’t even notice that little bit missing. Plus, it’s a reminder to you.” He felt himself blush as Dean looked at him. “You always hold a little piece of me, Dean.”

            He smiled. He kissed Castiel full on the lips and put on the necklace. “Thank you, Cas. It means a lot.” He nuzzled his head against Castiel’s hair. “And thanks for everything you have done for me. Like pulling me out of hell, helping with the Apocalypse, and being you in general.” He sighed. He looked at the bottled touch of grace and chuckled. “Does this mean we are angel married?”

            “If you want it to be.” He rubbed the ring on his finger. “You did give me a ring you wore most of your life.”

            He smiled. “Maybe.” He murmured.

            Castiel could see his eyes dropping. He pulled Dean in closer. “I could have given you my tie.”

            Dean laughed. “No, I like this.” He ran his hand along it and yawned. “It feels nice. Like I got a little Cas around my neck.” Dean soon drifted off to sleep.

            He ran his hand through Dean’s hair and pulled him into a more comfortable position. He looked down at the human the man he fell for and fell in love with. His heart soared. He knew at that moment he had made the right decision. He needed to be with Dean. To watch over him and Sam. Castiel was no longer an Angel of the Lord he was the Angel of the Winchesters and this was the right place for him as he held Dean in his arms and watched him sleep. He hoped the years would be kind to him and his love but even in adversity, he planned on remaining by Dean’s side no matter what.


End file.
